A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just got married a few weeks ago and I knew my husband looked at porn but I thought he was doing it just sometimes as is 2-3 times a week. I found out that he is looking at porn almost every day when he gets home from work and on Sunday when I went out to dry clothes he was sneaking and whacking to porn.I think our sex life is suffering because we might have sex 1-3 times a week and I would like it at least 3 times or more a week. I have a high sex drive.I find myself being extremely insulted and hurt that his wanking time is much much more than our sex time. :(I thought about just telling him he doesn't have to pretend to want sex with me anymore since he prefers the porn to me.I thought about downloading lots of naked men to my pc and see how he likes it.What should I say to him?
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porn, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, penelopepitstop  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 id be limiting his porn watching then, only if you're away, got a headache or time of month etc then maybe he'll be ready to give his woman his loving and not actors on the tele..his right hand must be hurting him by now lol
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2009): just leave him alone and let him do his old habits from his bachelor days. When you see what he does, smile and say don't worry i understand you men... you will win his heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): He doesn't want to watch it with me!
What he watches is really tame compared to what we actually do in bed.
People always think it is because the woman doesn't want to do or won't do the things in the porn videos which is ridiculous.
The guy has a sexy willing fun partner and he still wants to wank to porn daily. It is ridiculous.
I tried to initiate the other night and got turned down. I look at his pc history the next morning and he had just wanked an hour before I tried to initiate so no wonder he wasn't interested.
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A
female
reader, penelopepitstop +, writes (17 July 2009):
why dont you watch some of it with him? people like poen men and women if his sex drive is so high then its good for him to release it this way, but it shouldnt beaffecting your sex life, you need to tell him this, tell him to lay off the porn and lay on you more after all your real they are just his fantasies
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (17 July 2009):
Ok, first, trying to inflict pain on your husband to show him how it feels, in an effort to make him change is a huge mistake. This tit-for-tat approach is very hurtful in a relationship.
Now, he's having sex with you, which hopefully is rewarding, playful and allows the two of you to explore not only your bodies but your minds.
He's likely turning to porn for a variety of reasons, and hopefully if you'll open up a bit to him you can decrease his use of porn a bit (to the level you find acceptable) and increase your hit rate for the two of you to get after it.
He may get off on acts that he's concerned that you'll find offensive - maybe he's aroused by anal sex, the use of sex toys, the idea of coming on a woman's face... who knows. May be it something more complex, group sex, swinging, or nude beach sex. If he's aroused by acts that you can be part of, and that you can assure him you will not judge him by then odds are good you're in for some fun.
However, if he's into midgets, she-males, sex with cartoon characters, (or even swinging, or group sex) or any number of scenarios that you can't be part of, he may have to re-think this kink. If this is the case, may be the two of you have "porn night", get to the local adult DVD store, score some flicks and set the blanket out in the floor and watch way. You can slowly play with him while he gets aroused, and then go for it!
The best news is that your expectations of his use of porn appear reasonable. Men (and women) for that matter do look at porn. We occasionally like a quick hit, rub one out, and have a safe and fun diversion. Expecting him to NEVER look at porn is unrealistic.
Communication is important - reassure him that you love him and want to be part of this part of his life as well. Sharing fantasies is important- don't judge, and remember, fantasies not have to be converted to reality. Many need to remain fantasy’s... but they can be shared!
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