A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wouldn't say I slept around in the past but I did have two one night stands. Now I have met a guy I really like but he has had a more conservative/ sheltered life. I feel like I should tell him some about my past but I don't want him to judge me for it, or break up with me over it. How much information is too much? and when should I tell him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): i feel your pain i have been labled easy my first year of high school.i have been with too many dudes that its not even funny.of course i hated myself for it i still do and i have learned from that mistake and now i dont sleep around like i used to.i am terrified that my future relationships will be destroyed bcuz of the many people i have had one night stands with.but girl just keep your head up if he cant except your past then he cant except you in the future and let it be.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): Ah... This is difficult one. You can't chance your past.
Tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Do you believe in that? Then your past has to come out.
Most of us have to life with the fact that we got ex'es. Imagine if you don't tell him and during your wedding reception your one night stands tell your new husband about that sentive spot on your back. Ooops!
It is not very PC, but for a lot of people the idea that their partner is only theirs still matters. Simply put, few men would be happy knowing half the town has been between their girlfriends legs.
For volunteer work I do tech for a center who helps women get out of prostitution. One of the things these women must accept that they will for the rest of their life run into ex-customers and society looks down up on the woman, not the man. Better make sure the priest at your wedding didn't use your services. How would you like to be introduced to your bf's dad and find out he always had the super special?
Offcourse, two nights stands barely compare to this, but still, for some people this might be too much.
You can't undo your past and will have to life with it and this means accepting that it might get in the way of future relationships.
Think of all those countless people who put pictures on myspace that they think are cute or sexy, but will remain there for life and that flasher picture when you were 16 can seriously ruin your life later.
I am not saying it is RIGHT for your partner to judge you on what is in the past, but he will. You can lie about it, and hope it never comes out but then you run a real risk that he may well have accepted you past but cannot forgive the lying.
As for what? Well when it comes up, be honest that you have been with a few other men, numbers and how often are not needed at first unless he wants to know. But most likely he already knows you are not a virgin. be honest, but he don't need to read your diary.
Many people are obsessed with being the first, perhaps if you feel he has trouble with that, make sure he knows you wish him to be the last. That in way is a far more romantic notion. But yes, sometimes our pasts catch up with us. Others will judge us for it, you really can't avoid it.
If he can't get over it, though. But if is he upset about it, consider that if he didn;t give a shit that is not exactly a good sign either. But lying or hiding things is NOT a good start of any relationship. Yes it might hurt, love does even when it all works out.
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