A
female
age
41-50,
*eatherly
writes:Ok, here's my issue:I started having feelings for this guy who I had been friends with for a really long time. Then one day he called me up and told me he was having feelings for me. We fell really fast for one another and this is the first guy I've dated in years and years, and the only guy I have cuddled since highschool. I have such little experience in dating, I don't know what is normal and what isn't. When he cuddles me, I feel like we are so perfect for each other. Every time we touch it's so amazing. He says he's never felt like this with anyone and I've definitely never felt like this with anyone. Yet I'm worried because our goals in life are so different. I want to do relief work in third world countries, he is very much a "stay put" kind of guy. We don't like each other's music, for some reason this really gets to me - and I'm worried at times that his life is sort of "going nowhere" and if I marry him, that I'll feel like we're "going nowhere" together. While I could probably cuddle him all day while going nowhere, it sorta worries me ;) Yet he is an amazing guy who is ultra sensitive to me, cares for me, is totally a gentleman, treats me like gold, and is honest and trustworthy. So, how much does it mean that I feel so safe and secure and loved in his arms, and we're both totally sexually turned on by each other too, but he's totally patient and ready to wait until marriage for sex with me. Would I feel that amazing special cozy way with anyone? (Remember, I'm totally inexperienced.) or have I struck gold and I should keep this guy forever and work out the other issues as we go? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, heatherly +, writes (20 August 2011):
heatherly is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments so far. I've sort of already done some of what you all are suggesting - I decided to "give it a chance" and see where things took me, and as a result, we've been dating now for a year. In that time, we've grown closer and closer - more connected and seemingly part of one another - and I can hardly imagine breaking things off with him, yet I'm still scared to commit and feel like I am being a traitor or something to the people I'd have otherwise helped if I went and did relief work somewhere or something (what a mess!!!) At the same time, the biological clock is definitely ticking and having children is a REAL ISSUE at this point. UG.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): I'm 30 years old and I can tell you from experience that finding someone that you feel that way about is like finding a needle in a haystack.
You got to decide what is more important to you at this point in your life. Pursuing your dreams whole heartedly even if that means having to do it without him. Or sacrificing your goals and dreams on account of this new found love.
It is a tough decision. These are both special and important things in your life. They both have your heart. Nobody can make the decision for you.
It sucks when you fall for someone who is not on the same page as you...if it were me I would go forward with my dreams and my goals. Follow the true essence of your heart. And who knows, you don't know what the future holds. If you can find it in you to consider changing your life for him, which you are currently considering, maybe he is thinking the same and would do the same for you.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): I don't have much to add, everyone gave such great answers. I do particularly agree with worldlywise's comment about him compromising with you by his side. My best friend is sort of like you, while her boyfriend is not the most ambitious and driven guy. But she inspires and pushes him to want to do more. They've been together 2 years even though she expected it to last only a few months. So I say give it a shot, he sounds amazing.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): He sounds both lovely and genuine, it's a rare thing you have found and after being single for so long it must feel strange but amazing
Nobody we meet is ever going to be perfect and not liking the same music is only a minor issue!
However you have to decide if persuing your life goals alone is more important than being with him
You say you feel he's going nowhere, well maybe with you at his side he will compramise and you can find common goals.He must know your plans as you have been friends, so talk and talk before you decide anything.
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