A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dont want this to come across vain or wrong as this is not my intention nor what I am like. But I need to figure this out so I will word it the best I can. I am a successful fashion model - soceity regards me as being "attractive". I do not perceive myself to be beautiful or anything...but I see myself as someone who may look a bit different so I stand out a bit when I go out: I dont see it as good or bad, but just different.I have been single for coming up to a year now. I am not the sort of person who would sleep around or believe in one night stands etc. Guys never approach me - unless they are drunk, the ones who aren't drunk are generally the sleazy types I wont give the time of day to. I have been told by pretty much everyone I know that men find me intimidating, as they think I may be arrogant or unobtainable. So I have started being more pro-active when I go out. Now by nature I am extremely friendly, bubbly, very very easy going etc. So now when I see a guy nowadays I like I would sort of find a reason to go over to him and speak to him, but not in a obvious or forward way. For example, on the weekend I saw a guy I liked at a festival...my friend and I were walking that way and I noticed his friends drinking beers, so I just stopped and smiled and said, "Hey guys where did you find that drink? My friend and I have been looking everywhere for drinks!" Then that led to making friends with them. After spending that time with him, even he said to me that he would never ever consider approaching a girl like me and that I intimidated him because I was so pretty as well as confident and friendly! Guy often tell me I am not what they would expect me to be - that I am smart, nice, friendly etc etc.Anyway, so what may happen next is we may get along quite well etc and for instance that guy I liked at the festival, I gave him my number yet he never called me!! Why??! He gave me all the signals he liked me etc yet never followed up? I mean, I dont know what to do anymore - I am old fashioned in alot of ways and I refuse to chase a guy, simply because I believe if a guy was genuinely interested he would want to contact me on his own. I mean, ideally I would love for a nice normal good looking guy to just come up to ME and perhaps speak to ME and woe ME. But it never happens, and when I take the initiative and give them my details - making it easy for them, they still dont call me. I mean, I dont want to settle for just any guy at all - I would ideally like to meet a guy who I am attracted to physically, emotionally and mentally and just have a boyfriend! But it seems guys either dont speak to me (or the ones that do just are drunk or wanting to sleep with me) and if I do all the work and approach them, still they are unwilling to come after me. I refuse to be chasing a guy and doing all the calling, texting etc. Its not really a route I may have to go down but I always felt this: if I like a guy enough to give him my number, then it should be his job to use it (providing he liked me)Anyway, I just want to be able to meet a nice guy and have a boyfriend, and seriously no idea how to go out about doing it now. Everyone says, they cant believe I am single and I wont be single for long - but if anything it is a very patronising thing to say and it has been a year. Can anyone help me at all or give me tips please (Please dont suggest online dating) I tried waiting for guys to approach, doesnt happen. I tried making eye contact or smiles across the room, that doesnt happen. I tried now approaching and even as much as giving my number to them, still doesnt work. I live in the UK so the guys here are generally much much more laid back and extremely reserved in comparison to other countries I go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): Hmm might there be a little self-flattering going on here? Perhaps the guy just wasn't that into you?My sister, like your good self, is an incredibly attractive woman. She couldn't leave the house for a while without getting 'discovered' by some overzealous casting agent. She never did get into that industry but has a number of girlfriends that are models. They always complain about their love lives..The fact of the matter is that guys don't want model girlfriends and definitely not model wives! When you've been in the industry a little longer you will discover exactly how bad it really is. The only men that are interested in models are rich, shallow and just hoping for a good time. It is very very rare that these girls find a good man to marry. Horrible as it might sound but when you say your a model you are basically introducing yourself as stupid, shallow and, more often than not, easy. Why would anyone rely only on their looks if they had any form of intellect?My sister on the other hand is a top lawyer in London, she's married now to man that adores her and they have a great family. Men that don't know her still approach her on a regular basis to try their luck....Why don't you drop the whole model thing for a while, introduce yourself as a teacher, nurse, or whatever else you fancy and see how that works..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): "I am old fashioned in alot of ways and I refuse to chase a guy, simply because I believe if a guy was genuinely interested he would want to contact me on his own... I refuse to be chasing a guy and doing all the calling, texting etc."
It might be time to break this habit. There's nothing wrong with simply texting the guy back saying "hey" or asking him out for coffee. Your approach is simply being laid back and waiting around, when you might have to be more aggressive. The guy did say that he wouldn't have approached you if you hadn't come up to him- so that's probably why he didn't call you as well.
Also try to frequent places where you'll see people more than once- that way you can strike up a friendship first and then see where it goes. Though you probably travel a lot and may not stay in one place very long, it might be beneficial to volunteer somewhere, join a sports team or exercise class of some sort. You could also ask your friends to see if they know anyone who is single and might be set up with you.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Hmmmmm. Why no online dating? Like it or not, your looks are going to influence many things in your life. Some good, some bad. When it comes to incredibly beautiful women, guys are intimidated. Especially the good guys. As you have learned, only the arrogant jerks will usually approach you. Why does this happen? Well, along with being beautiful, the "good" guys may feel that they're not a good fit for you. It truly is judging a book by it's cover, but a really attractive model is viewed as having a busy work schedule and a busy nightlife. Clearly this isn't true for all models, but it is a stereotype.
Why are you so against online dating? Is it embarrassing? Do you not want to tell everyone you met a guy online? Or are there other reasons? It's hard meeting people (both guys and girls) out at bars (pubs), etc. The good guys are going to be in places you least expect it. Online dating is a way to get to know somebody where looks aren't the focal point. Just take a distorted, not so glamorous picture of yourself and put it up there.
I know looks are important for you as well in a guy, but all I'm saying is sometimes you find love in the places you least expect it. Do spend as much time going out looking for guys, and spend more time keeping your eyes open for guys while you're out doing every day things. If the places you go aren't giving you the results you want or exposing you to the type of guys you want, then maybe you should start changing the type of place you go to.
And don't be opposed to online dating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): To me it sounds like you are a little too into yourself. You're whole post was about how great of a catch you are, and how everyone thinks you're pretty. Plus if your job has you traveling all the time, the average guy isn't going to want a part time girlfriend. My gf travels or works constantly and I am at my wits end with that. Its her schedule or nothing. Just chill out and relax on the whats wrong with them stuff. One year isn't even that long
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Honestly? If a guy knew what you just wrote here, he would be 100 times more attracted. Most guys love to ogle model-like women. Many, unfortunately, look at them only as sex objects, high maintenance, unattainable or intimidating. I'm sure you're experienced that. So the way to get to a confident guy who isn't tripping over his tongue, is to let him know who YOU are. Easier said than done, because I'm sure guys may try to listen to you, but are probably thinking SEX all the time. So I guess the key is finding a guy in a situation where sex isn't the main thing on his mind...sporting events, church, places of work, etc. Difficult, I'm sure. Bars, clubs, festivals...guys have sex at the top of the list probably. Why are you opposed to dating sites? that may be the best way to exchange information without th edistraction of physical attraction as the main course.
Personally, I find average looking, intelligent women who have something to say hotter than a supermodel who is vapid. You sound like you are very intelligent, confident and sincere in addition to being physically attractive. You should have no problem finding a guy you want. But maybe doing it in such a way that appearance isn't at teh forefront would be the best approach. Good luck. Now I wish I was a little younger and lived in the UK :)
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