A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is there ever a time to just walk away, no matter how much you want a relationship to work, no matter how much you love them?Basically, I met my on-off boyfriend nearly 8 year's ago. We dated for 3 months then we ended things as I moved away, my dad was promoted and I was only 16 at the time, so I moved with my parents. I only moved 4 hours away so I regularly came back to see my friends and family. Whenever I came home for the weekend, we met up as friend's and I really loved spending time with him. When I turned 18, he was now 20, and had his own place. We began seeing each other again, and I moved in with him, just at the weekend at first but when I finished college, I moved in properly and took a gap year. We fought a lot at first, and after a few months, I moved back home to my parents. I got a job there, and I had a relationship with a guy I worked with for almost a year. During this time my on-off boyfriend met a girl and she became pregnant. She miscarried after a few weeks and I emailed him via facebook to let him know I was thinking of them both. We began talking again and all the old lustful feelings came back. When both our relationships ended, we started seeing each other for a 3rd time, which was a very happy relationship. I did my training and started my new job. He became distant last year after almost 3 year's of being together. He then explained he wasn't happy in our relationship, he wanted kids, I wanted a career first. We ended things badly and he moved out, not far away so we bumped into each other a lot. We had a few one night stands at first but I called time on that after I realised how bad I felt. So, after not seeing him for a few months, after trying to avoid him, he began asking for us to try again for a 4th time! I want to say no, but I can't. I love him, and I'm always drawn back to him no matter what happens. So is there ever a time to say no and walk away?
View related questions:
facebook, moved in, moved out, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Skyscraper16  +, writes (9 September 2013):
On and off's are not really healthy for a couple's relationship. Both of you bacame used of that situation not knowing it already skipped a line boundary we call faithfulness.
It's really difficult to leave somebody that we used to be with. But maybe it's time for a move on. History repeats itself And it already happened on you for about a third time. I'm sure you don't want a divorce of annulment on your marriage.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 September 2013):
 If marriage and kids is what you want right now, then going back to him would be a bad idea. You and him had an on and off history, so whenever there is a bad period one of you would just bail out, thinking the other could tolerate it. I think what you had is intense sexual chemistry, outside of the bedroom you just didn't know what to do. I had a hard time believing that the reason he wasn't happy was because he wanted kids and you didn't. More like an excuse to leave when the relationship became comfortable again. It's just that when he has time to miss you he wants you. He only wants you when he can't have you. Even when you are ready for marriage it will become a disaster based on the instability you shared all these 8 years.
It depends on what you want. If you are ready for marriage then you can't let him stop you from looking for a better match. I think for the 4th time you are very familiar with this pattern. Sexual chemistry is just that. There is nothing magical. It's just two people refusing to let go, because this kind of chemistry is hard to find. You can go through your whole life, dipping in and out of each other's life. Yes, the liking will still be there but if you want to experience marriage and kids he's not the kind of guy to stick around.
I would not say he is trying to make it work. Rather, just to test if he is still in your mind. He could one day have a wife and kid and still be contacting you. This is not what you want.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (8 September 2013):
If you don't work on the issues that broke you up in the first place, you'll just break up again. I can relate to your issue, it's hard to say no to love.
What I'd suggest is couple's counseling.
...............................
|
