A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:First date with recent divorcee is imminent. What I want to know is how many dates should I have with him before I sleep with him? I'm separated, and haven't slept with anyone except my husband of 20 years!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): "Now, if you are just interested in sex and nothing more, and be sure that you can handle the "nothing more" part, then it really doesn't matter when you have sex the first time.
I had a fiends with benefits relationship as a way to make sure I didn't sleep with a man too soon if I was interested in a more committed relationship.
Things have changed a lot!"
So you, too, are sleeping with guys you DON'T like and making guys you DO like wait? What the hell? Or, as it sounds, you're dating one guy and screwing another one so that you don't sleep with the other one too soon? Geez, I hope you're dates figure that one out.
What the F is wrong with you women?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): "In the future put a rule in place of your WILL NOT SLEEP WITH BEFORE time period. Mine is 2 months if I just like him. 3 months if I REALLY like the guy. 5 intense months if I'm head over heels for him. Will never budge before 1 month. I call that jerk weeding because time cuts the jerks who rush out."
What the HELL is wrong with you? Guys you just "like" you jump into bed with them after 2 months, but guys you REALLY like you make wait 5 months? WTF is wrong with you? No wonder you're still single. The guys you really like are long gone by the time you're willing to do things with them that you do with other guys after 2 months.
What an idiot. Really.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, these are all very helpful - I definately will take my time, and if he feels a connecion, then he will wait!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007):
it differs for everyone. Some do it the first date others wait until marriage. It depends on the chemistry. BUT if you could really see yourself with this man when you go out, save it.
Its a known fact that men lose interest after they have sex and women get attached. That will get very nasty quick. If you wait until you two have a real bond before you have sex it will be the back up reason that he hasn't lost interest in you. He'll give you more respect and who knows maybe he'll consider something long term.
Remember he is a recent divorcee and just got out of a marriage so probably not looking to rush into anything very serious. So if you give it up he will probably move along and keep playing with other women that give it up too.
As long as you save it until theres a bond you wont have to be forgotten among the mass of women that pleased him.
In the future put a rule in place of your WILL NOT SLEEP WITH BEFORE time period. Mine is 2 months if I just like him. 3 months if I REALLY like the guy. 5 intense months if I'm head over heels for him. Will never budge before 1 month. I call that jerk weeding because time cuts the jerks who rush out.
If nothing else you're calling the shots. Even if he jets afterwards, you followed your rule.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2007): I do feel for you. I had this same delima pop up on me but I found that if a relationship just was not going to work, there wasn't any date after the third. Others trail off after the fourth and fifth. At around the sixth date, I make sure that I see where he lives. You can learn a lot about a person by seeing how they live. I really, really liked one man, but found out during the sixth date that his house, garage, basement, and several storage lockers were crammed full of junk that caused him great anxiety thinking about getting rid of.
If this works well, then meet the kids. Can that work?
The point I'm trying to make is find out if you like him first and then find out if he has any habits, etc that are deal breaking. Then find out if your families can mix and match. Then decided about the sex. If he doesn't understand this, he's not worth it to begin with.
Now, if you are just interested in sex and nothing more, and be sure that you can handle the "nothing more" part, then it really doesn't matter when you have sex the first time.
I had a fiends with benefits relationship as a way to make sure I didn't sleep with a man too soon if I was interested in a more committed relationship.
Things have changed a lot!
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Hello there anonymous,
Well, the number of dates people have before having sex is differernt from person to person. Some people have sex on the first date - others wait until they're married.
The best advice I can give you is to talk about it with the guy you're seeing. And chances are if you feel uncomfortable bringing it up, then you are most likely not ready to have sex anyhow.
Sorry I couldn't give you a more direct answer, but this sort of personal matter really should be discussed with your partner.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (19 October 2007):
 I don't think there is a cut and dry rule. Things have quite likely changed from when you were dating your husband and had to make this decision but the general rule of thumb is when it feels right and not a moment before. That said, don't give it up too quickly. A little challenge is good!
CD
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (19 October 2007):
 Dear Anon.this is a difficult question, most people take a well deserved time out after a divorce to put there house in order, so to speak, i would not be to keen to go bed hopping to soon, this at a future time may come back to haunt you, but if your sure of what you are doing and is safe to do so then go and do it.
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