A
female
age
41-50,
*9agegap
writes:i wonder how many couples out there break up cuz of some silly quarrel, or just one party got too tired of trying, or is it due to personality clashes, or a misalignment in core beliefs.....Let's not talk about obvious deal-breakers like cheating, abuse etc?Shouldn't 2 pple in love try their very best for the relationship to work out? I've been in so many relationships that I always want to work things out etc but the guys just don't want to. Have you read the book 'why men love bitches'? I think it's a great book - unfortunately I've been doing all the stuff that's OPPOSITE of what the author tells ladies to doI don't even know what this post is. I'm just very disappointed that my ex gave up on us when he got stressed. I know I had not been the easiest gf during his stressful times, but I will NEVER let him down. Why isn't that enough?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 So, did this relationship end for any of the reasons you mention? Because I don't think you really care about other couples, you are wondering why HE broke up with YOU.
In fact you seem to claims that this is not the first time and that you never understood why they broke up with you.
Some people just seem to have a habit of going for the wrong persons. If you are constantly being dumped by boyfriends perhaps you are picking the wrong kind?
Some women especially seem to think of a relationship as a project where they will fix up this guy with their love and attention. This rarely works.
But since you ask, no normal people do NOT break up over some silly quarrel. If they did we would have a 100% divorce rate.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (29 May 2008):
 People in love probably do try to work things out, but if there are different expectations as to what the future should be, then sadly people break up. Silly quarrels can be mended easily if both parties realize what went wrong.
If one party stops trying, that means that he/she is not interested in working on the relationship anymore, for whatever reason. It could be that they've chosen a different path for themselves and don't have the energy to work on the relationship anymore. It could be that they're depressed and need some therapy. There are a lot of things that stop people from working on a relationship.
Personality clashes can be exciting in a relationship at first, as it is electrifying to have some sparks, but it all depends on the personalities involved. A passive person might find an energetic go-getter too tiring after a while, while the go-getter finds the passive partner boring. Again, that's all down to individual characteristics and you could probably talk all day about differences, the key is what are the similarities? What are the mutual goals? Are they compatible? If they fundamentally differ on what the future looks like, then the relationship is probably not going to last, sad to say, even if there is love and lust and passion between them.
Sorry, I've not read that book you mentioned. The ones that I have read that have helped me are these: A Fine Romance, by Judith Sills PhD, and You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, by Deborah Tannen.
I guess it all comes down to timing, fundamental core beliefs as you put it, and compatibility. And love of course.
Good luck working it out, if you can solve this question, you'll make a million dollars when you get it published!
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