A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HI,I am a 20 year old in love with a 26 year old guy. We have been together since the last 2 years. From the beginning it has been like our relationship started by him telling me that dont expect any commitments of marriage. This is my first relationship with a guy but he has had several in the past with better girls than me what he claims to be. He used to stay alone so I used to go to his place and be with him since we work in the same office. Rumours started spreading in the office about things like I am not suited to be with him. I am a bitch type of girl. I dont know why all this happened b'coz i never had ever gone out with any guy or did anything which will give people a bad impression about me. So, he started avoiding me at office saying that u have a bad impression out here. I didnt mind it but somewhere it hurt me a lot till date now that it has become 2 years. He then 1 year back shifted to my place where i stay with my family. Its like he says he loves me a lot but he likes me only at home not outside. I act childish or dont dress up properly according to his taste and choice. I look funny the way i dress up....etc...lots more (I cant talk properly, i dont walk properly, he feels ashamed when i m with him outside if we hardly even go to the supermarket to pick up grocery) My life has become miserable this way. There is nothing left like going out, having fun with my lover and these days i m hating it when i see my other friends so happy with there BFs chilling out. I feel that i m missing out on these things, cant stay at home all day doing nothing but he likes it that way (or too lazy to go or too ashamed to go with me) I am not that good looking but average. If he has so many problems with me why cant he just say that u better leave me, we dont suit each other. He is a very short-tempered person, very mooody, gets angry on no reason. these things have made me be afraid from him. I care for him a lot, take care of all his requirements starting from food to clothing still he treats me like shit (since i m there all the time for him). Now that I have made some good girlfriends I try to go out with them like once in a month, If i do that, he creates a big scene that why i left him and went and after my day out i come home and he will start yelling and giving me all reasons how i could have avoided going out with my GFs and be with him. In one instance he says he wants me near him all the time but then he just is thinking about himself. Never talks about what I want, the talks go around what problems he has and what he wants. My thinking does not matter at all. All this led me to feel sad and disheartened all the time thinking whats wrong with me that he is behaving this way. These days i feel i cant take it anymore and should move on. What do u guys feel.. what should be the correct step. and yes I tried talking to him about my problems but he says whats the big deal to go out when we can be at home watching tv or he sleeping. Dont u think girls its to the limit, its become 2 years and he never showed me how he cares for me (like a flower to make my day or something which will cheer me up) even my birthdays i spent just sleeping since he does not want to do anything special. I m tired of waiting to see my love reciprocating to me. How long should I wait for him thinking that one day he will change and love me the same way i love him at least not abuse me saying "you are not good looking, i feel humiliated when someone says that you are my girlfriend." PLEASE HELP ME,
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): Vow this man has wasted two years of your life. Furthermore he emotionally abused you.I suggest you get rid of him the sooner the better, ask him to pack and leave, oh, and have people around (or at least nearby) as this sounds like the type of guy that might get aggresive. I also think you should start working on your self confidence, it seems this man has destroyed your self image and confidence. Go stand in front of the mirrior and tell yourself that you love yourself as you are, say it loud to yourself. Start doing things that you enjoy and start spoiling yourself, pamper yourself, you will find a nice guy that will be willing to love you as you are and to be happy and proud to be with you.This guy used you for all his own selfish reasons and it is time you take controll of your life!Be strong and think of your future. There is somebody nice and decent out there waiting to meet you, go find him!Good luck!
A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 It seems like he is the one who is not good enough for you. He is mean and lazy. If you write down the qualities of the perfect partner I bet mean and lazy aren't on your list.
As for him changing, people don't change so it is pretty much what you see is what you get.
If you want a good relationship, I wouldn't waste another second of your precious life on this creep.
xo
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A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Hi,
I'm sorry to say this but it has been 2 years, which is a long time for you, and I don't think it is very likely he would wake up one morning and be someone else, someone loving caring person.
I don't think it is anything wrong with you, your clothes, your interests, your looks. I think his criticisms are him wanting to control you. Duskyrowe said it more sharply: He is not husband or boyfriend material.
If your boyfriend feels ashamed of you, tells you to be with him all the time and do everything for him, but to not expect any commitment from his part, then no, he is not good enough for you.
You deserve much better than to have your life messed up by this man. Imagine being married to him and have kids.
The decision is up to you of course, but never think that you are not good looking enough, or don't dress nice enough, or whatever else he is complainig about with you, to not deserve a good and loving husband. Of course you do! And you are good and perfect just as you are!
Good luck and tell us how it goes!
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Darling do not waste another second with this eejit, he is not husband or boyfriend material. Find a guy who will love you for who you are, and not criticise you for who you are.
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