A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, my name is louise and I am 16. I am deeply in love with my girlfriend of 2 months and we both agree we are soul mates. My question is how long do couples normally wait to propose? i am confident she will say yes so don't want to wait but will i seem too eager after 2 months? thanks for reading and hope to hear from you, thanks xx
View related questions:
soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 This is a rather traditional, old fashioned social etiquette rule but, for what is worth, - here it is :
since an official engagement is the public announcement of your formal committment to marry, the actual wedding should follow within a reasonable time , that which is necessary for wedding preparations. ( In other words , if you mean business, you don't cry wolf ages before getting married ). So an official engagement should not happen before one year from the wedding ( well, I guess with this bad economy ,let's make it two ).
But no sooner, because it's not serious to announce your solemn committment to do something... that you really have no idea how, if and when you'll be able to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHmmm, after reading that response, maybe I haven't thought this through enough.
My girlfriend is 18 and planning to go to uni in september, and I will be going to uni in 2 years.
I want to be able to support her so perhaps waiting is best?
Thanks for the comments, it has made me realise not to rush into anything without thorough planning first.
x
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Honestly,
I think if you two love each other, go for it.
x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): Besides love, the most important thing to sustain in a successful marriage is your financial support. You both want to make sure before going into marriage not to worry about just being able to pay for the wedding, but to be able to pay for the bigger picture, the whole marriage itself. You don't want to ever have to rely on your parents to bail you out, though depending on your family's capabilities and agreements, they may help do that, from time to time, anyway. Everyone's different, but that's why you don't want to have to worry about that.
Both of you having jobs that pay enough to cover all the monthly and day to day bills and mortgage/rental costs, and possibly children is crucial.
If one or the other fails at bringing in enough money flow, in today's high cost of living, your whole marriage may fail, being if things get bad enough financially, worry and stress on a very high level kicks in, and will destroy you long before you ever get your house or car taken away, or claim bankruptcy.
It's a terrible thing to think of, but it's all too common when people go into a marriage, even living together long term, not caring how much they can cover their bills and interest payments. If you're only 16 or so, I would especially be thinking about it on a financial level, since good paying jobs at that age are hard to come by. You seem way too young to be wanting to make that leap anyway, and you'll be surprised how much happier you'll be if you wait until the right time in life, where you're strong enough financially, in life experience, spiritually and intellectually. If you're that serious about her, I would just try to date for a long time, first.
You're very young, and you have alot of life and decisions ahead of you, which you may want to work through before heading straight to the marriage decision. If you go to secondary school, you may find that will help you financially, and if you have all the fun you can while you're single, you won't feel like you missed out on anything, when you're 25 or 30. I know it's hard to hear someone say that, and accept it as great advice, but if you take the time to think about it, anyone who tells you that is wishing nothing but the best for you in life. It's very easy to think we have it all mapped out when we're teenagers, but life has a tendancy to throw many curve balls and tests our way, which completely mess up everything we had planned, and cause us to change our original course in many ways.
Take my word for it, I've went through so many tests and trials I don't think I could bear many more, and I got married when I was 28. I'm very happy I did, though, because financially everything came together finally, and I got to live all the single and dating life I wanted, and hang out with friends and play in a band all the time. Now, with the kids here, and us never getting to go out like we did when we dated, and everything being so hectic, and all the stresses and how the wife and I get on each others' cases now that we're married and things are different than when we were dating, this is the married life, and am I ever glad I didn't start that at even my early 20's.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2010): If you know you're soul mates and that you'll be together forever, what's the rush to get engaged? After all, you'll still be together and in love. Then maybe when you're older and it's financially feasible, you can propose to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, HollieMc  +, writes (20 July 2010):
 Well, I got engaged young, and still not married.I am waiting later to marry, because my family frowned upon the engagement in the first place,so you may get the same result I got. This bad result from possibly her, or your family. and this WIll put a stain on your relationship. because many people will be pressuring and trying to squeeze in their requests, and disapproval. ALTHOUGH if you are very well liked by the family and yours likes her as well, then you may be alright. However, two months is very very very short, and ppl might just underestimate your love, because there is supposedly "a time limit to you can fall it love" ;) ! at least i always joked, and say my parents think that :Pbut tell her you want to get married, pose the question, get the reaction, wait, then do it later. but get involved with the family whether yours or hers, because whoever judges your life will either make it or brake it for you.my family made my life very stressful after my engagement.and i have been with my fiance for four years now. and knew him much longer than that. BUt my parents still wanted to "dis own" me. SO if her family gets upset by it, and she is closer to her family than she is with you, it could end badly, so be ware.ps obviously i was closer to my man, :) so it has worked, but it has taken a lot. and good luck :) hope i helped a bit.
...............................
|
