A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:16 years ago I met the man of my dreams. But we have never been any more than friends. I never did tell him how I felt about him. He eventually got married and his wife cheated and got pregnant by someone else. They divorced. Before this happened he and I had lost track of each other but he was still on my mind every single day. We recently found each other after 10 years of not seeing or talking to each other. I decided to tell my friend how I feel about him and what I should have told him 16 years ago. We are both 35 years old and single and are looking for love. But he won't answer my questions when I ask him anything that has to do with a relationship. He tells everyone else that he does really like me and would like to have a relationship but that he doesn't want to ruin our friendship. But he won't tell me. I've asked him to go for drinks or coffee or fishing. Just something we can do together and talk. But he avoids me and says he is terribly busy. I won't hear from him for weeks at a time but his Mom tells me to wait and give him time because he told her how much he really likes me. I have waited 16 years for him and I want to wait for him but I don't know how to do it if he just avoids me. I know he is extremely shy and is terrified of a relationship because of how messed up his marriage was. I don't know how to make him understand that I have loved him for so long and that I would never hurt him. He won't give me a chance. He finds time to talk to other women all the time but he can't find time for me. Am I just wasting my time waiting for him? I don't want to move on because he is the man I always wanted. I am afraid if I move on I will regret not trying hard enough to make a relationship with him. But I'm afraid I can't wait any longer for someone who can't find a moment to spend with me. What do I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSince I wrote this, he and I have hung out on occasion. But he always feels like there needs to be other people with us. He is terrified of being alone with me. He finally answered me when I asked him about he and I together. He said that he has thought a lot about us together but the thought of a relationship was too scary for him. Which was a relief to me to at least get an answer. I told him that I understood where he was coming from and that no one is pushing us into a relationship and that I just wanted he and I to hang out more often. The other night his cousins and I went out. He had company and couldn't go with us. His female cousin is my roommate. He asked her to make sure that I came with them when we dropped off his other cousin at his house. So I went in and he was already in bed but not asleep. I knocked on his door and he said for me to come in. I admit I was a little tipsy and I laid on the bed next to him and put my arms around him. I told him that this is where I should have been 16 years ago and he said awwweee. He ran his fingers through my hair and we talked for a while. He then pulled me towards him and kissed me. We kissed for quite a while before I had to go home. My roommate said that I could stay with him and she'll pick me up in the morning. He said that it was ok if I wanted to stay. I told him that because I was tipsy I didn't want to go further with him. I wanted to be sober. He said he agreed. So I went home. My roommate mentioned to me that he told her that he wants to be as tipsy as I was next time. I think I partially broke the ice with him but he is still scared to show his feelings. I think he believes that if he has some alcohol in his system that he will be able to tell me how he feels. But it is now 3 days later since our make out session and I haven't heard from him. I sent him an email telling him thank you for that night and that I can't wait to do it again. But I've got nothing from him. I know I am being impatient on my end because I want him so much. But I also have never had to work this hard for a man. haha I'm still waiting for him and hopefully I won't have to wait forever. But I will if I have to. I feel in my heart that I was meant to be with him.
Thank you Jolin for your response. He is the shy guy. You hit it right on the head. I will let him know that he has to ask me out and see how that works. Hopefully it goes well and I am allowed to spend the rest of my life with him.
A
female
reader, Jolin  +, writes (19 August 2009):
 wow... my boyfriend is a very shy guy as well..so i understand how you feel. Yknow, the shy guys need a longer time to start a relationship..they need to trust you first. First time i met this man was 2 years ago..we were on the same office. The indication of shy guy, usually they will talk to many people how they feel, but to the one he loves.. LOL! sounds funny but..well, that's how they act :DTry not to push him to see you. In my case, on the approaching stage ..i texted him that i won't ask him out..so if he wants to see me, he must be the first one who ask me out.And about 2 weeks later, he called to ask me out..but guess what? he didnt text or call or try to reach me during those two weeks!After we met up, we just text not everyday.. then about a week later, he sent me a love letter..i replied him "i do feel the same" that's it! then he suddenly dissapear for twp week! i ignored.. then i texted him to say hi. He didnt replied until tomorrow. Suddenly, on my birthday, he texted to greet. then we together celebrate my birthday..suddenly..just before good bye moment.. he kissed me... :Dso.. i guess you dont need to be in rush, when you are in rush, they will tend to pull away..just relax, take it slow..let him think. Shy guy need longer time :) And..dont ask him out.. you may try my trick.. who knows it works for you ;)by the way, i used to think that my man was just a weirdo until last month, my mind was completely changed! yes, now i believe the shy guy exist in the world..LOL!!
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