A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid I'm a single female with a broken heart I haven't been in a relationship in the last pass 15 years.I'm afraid to get back out there In the dating world because I don't want nobody to hurt my heart again so I run from the thought of relationship because I feel like I'm going to get hurt mentally and physically I'm tired of fighting for love?You know nobody is perfect but something has to give.I am a single 44 year old woman without a love life an being celibate is what I'm in now it doesn't matter but I'm worthy of wherever life takes me.Maybe I need more me time ??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2016): Wise owl is so on the ball.. I'm a mental health nurse and normal log in as slippers but it isn't working this morning .. I would say your post here today inductes to me that you are ready for a new adventure .. 15year is a long time but don't see that as a bad thing .. look at all the knowledge you have learned about you .. casual sex isn't what's it's cracking up to be .. so being celibate isn't an issue .waiting on the right one rather than lots of one's isn't a mistake However .. not let anyone close .. your single your young .. beautiful coming into your own now .. I feel in yourself your ready .So instead of looking for love per say or the one who break your heart .. look for a friend .. you can have many maLe friends heaps of them if you like and then see who lasts the distances .. who's loyal ..who listens ..who there for you .. who supports you .. let them know it's friendship for now and who knows if you like them .. take it slow .. have some laughs and fun .. wise owl allows sounds to me like so much fun .. take life easy .. and take baby steps ..You've already I don't know if you've realised .. took your first one ..Chin up sweetie ..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2016): Well, I was in a relationship for 28 years and my lover and companion died from cancer. I didn't know what I was going to do either, considering I met him when I was only 17 and dated few other people, from high school to college. With only a brief break in-between; while he attended law school. After he graduated and passed the bar, we resumed our friendship. We came out to each other finally as gay men, and our lives went on from there.
If you can find love without risk, inform the rest of the world. You're searching for the Holy Grail. If you're dating other humans, they are likely to make mistakes. As far as breaking your heart, I guess that depends on how delicate you are. In life, only the strong survive. You learn from mistakes; and you use what you learn to improve yourself. Your armor hardens, and as they say: "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger."
What makes you so fragile and close to perfection that no one is incapable of hurting you? One or two unsuccessful relationships do not speak for everyone you'll come to love for the rest of your life. You wasted 15 years avoiding the reality of love and romance. Sometimes you get hurt or heartbroken. Both people in the relationship run the risk of getting hurt. You keep trying until you get it right. No matter what age you are. You recover, and you go out and try again. You face rejection, and you weed out the bad apples. You have some fun in the process. You don't go on a manhunt or a mission looking for love. Love finds you. Love is evasive. You just try to be in the right place at the right time, and destiny takes it from there.
Some relationships are strictly for training and exercise. They teach you how to give and take. How to nurture and maintain a working relationship. If it fails, you give yourself some recovery time. Assess the damages, get-over the pain, cut your losses, and you move on. That's part of maturity and survival. If you fall apart after one bad episode in your life; then you don't really know how to live. Nor do you really know how to love. Sometimes it is brief, and sometimes it spans a lifetime. You enjoy it and rejoice as long as you've got it.
Don't romanticize and create fantasies of what love is supposed to be like. It has ups and downs, ins and outs.
You will fight, people may cheat on you; so you learn to forgive, and how to ask for forgiveness. You learn how to trust, and how to earn it. You will make mistakes too. The other person suffers for your mistakes; but in real-love, you both work it out. You overcome challenges and setbacks together. It grows stronger for the wear and tear. It fails if it's not meant to be. It only means there's someone better down the road; if you're strong enough and positive enough to look forward, and move forward. I did. I've been heartbroken, lonely, grief-stricken, and the whole nine yards. I just wouldn't give-up. Nor should you.
Get some short-term counseling to regain your self-esteem. Perhaps get a life-coach to rebuild your confidence. Don't let your age or the past deter you from happiness. It's yours for the taking. If you're not out there and visible, no one knows you exist. I had to go through it after my partner died. I got lonely, lived in celibacy, turned down dates, and gained nothing for doing so. I did make some wonderful friends, because I didn't go into isolation. Although, I did shutdown and would not allow myself to open-up to people trying to get to know me intimately. I felt guilty, like I was betraying my deceased partner. He was the one who died, not me. My sister kept reminding me of this. I also got dumped when I finally did find someone I thought I loved. I had to survive and move on after that too.
Now, I've gotten it right. It took me the span of 10 years; but I never gave up. I have faith in God, and confidence in myself. I didn't let anything keep me from finding love; but I worked on myself first. Made a lot of fiends, and opened-up to love and life. I took the leap of faith. I landed in the right place again. I found a wonderful guy, when I wasn't even looking for it. It happened because I allowed myself to be visible and open to all possibilities. I recognized it when I saw it; because I learned from my past mistakes, accepted the risk, and owned the responsibility of being good to someone else. Even if I might get hurt, or I might hurt him.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You might get hurt, but loneliness and isolation hurts too. Take baby steps. Join a book club or travel club, take-up a hobby, or a class that exposes you to other mature adults. Not for the purpose of looking for a man, but allowing yourself the exposure; and to regain the confidence to be a part of life again. You'll meet people, and they'll introduce you to people, and your circle of acquaintances expands. You'll meet men in the process, not necessarily finding one for keeps. But doing nothing hasn't worked for you so far. Has it?
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