A
female
age
,
*herryb
writes:My husband has had an affair with a woman at his work for the last 8 months.I found out throught his text messages. He confessed everything(almost). He won't give me the details.)he thinks they will only hurt me more). He has ended it but he say's he feels go guilty about everything he has done to me and how dissapointed he is in himself. We have been married almost 40 years and I know this is his first time. He say's they only had sex 4 times. He has a problem with ED. so it was nothing special he say's. Now he say's he has absolutely no sex drive and can't even think about sex with me now. He say's it will take time. I have forgiven him for this but it still haunts me everyday. It's only been 2 months since I found out. How long do I wait for him to come around. He still loves me very much, but I just can't get him to even kiss me because he thinks I want it to go further. (of course I do). What now????
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affair, sex drive, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Phht, he doesn't need viagra to get it up for a bit of self gratification so he doesn't need it for you. he wont even sleep in the same room as you!
He could at least be sharing your bed even if he cant share anything else, let alone giving you a few kisses every now and then!
I'd be dragging him off quick smart to your doctor and for some counselling. I'd also make some preliminary enquiries on my own regarding divorce and settlement just in case he came back for all the wrong reasons.
Call me embittered and distrusting if you want, but my gut is telling me this man does not have your best interests at heart, only his.
A
female
reader, sherryb +, writes (4 October 2012):
sherryb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are trying to work this out, we still love each other. Time has taken a toll on both of us and this affair is obviously the worst betrayal. He has totally broken this off with her. He said it really wasn't that big of a thing between them and is questioning himself how much it really meant to risk losing everything we had. He said he had absolutely no desire for sex with anyone. we are sleeping in separate rooms and I know he takes care of business with himself sometimes to help him sleep. So why can't it be with me? He just hurts so much to not have him in my life physically. He said it will take time. In the meantime he has checked with the doctor.Checking into Viagra... Hope it works
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 October 2012):
 HE needs to get a thorough physical exam.
YOU and HE need to seek professional counselling.....
IF you and he can find a "solution" to your (collective) untenable situation.... by the above.... then, go for it.
If the above does NOT uncover some solution, then you and hubby need to shrug, smile at one-another and say, "Well, at least we gave it our best shot.".... and then part ways...
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): I think I would advise you both to see a marriage counselor over the effects that the affair has left on both of you.
As for his E.D, he should see a dr over this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2012): If he was truely disappointed in himself, an affair would not have lasted 8 months. I think he is grieving the misteress he lost and cannot bring himself to be intimate with you. After all that affair would not have ended had you not found out about it.
Get rid of him as he is not worth the trouble and pain he is puting your through.
Alternatively if you still want him, give him an ultimatime , to deliver the goods as he had no problems performing for the mistress.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 October 2012):
You both need to see your doctor first, to determine if there are any medical reasons, and then you both need to attend counselling to deal with his not wanting to kiss you. If he wont go with you go by yourself.
Good luck!
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