A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:Hey guys I just got out of an emotinally abusive relationship(5yrs long) my ex was would be like "oh ur fat" or "oh i need a break" or oh put makeup on. Mind you i'm 25yrs old and weight 120 and 5'3. (but to make story short, i cried cried cried, and got over it and have basically shot him down since he has come back. It has been a year now that our relationship has ended but he has tried to come back the last couple of months but i have not wanted..MY question is this.. I have not gone on a date since him. I mean he was my first ever relatioship and sexual experience and I have not been with anyone.. is it normal. My coworker that went through something similar, is already going on vacation with this guy she met"talking about how he is so nice this that" They are like oh well you need to get out, and talk to someone, you need to get laid.I just dont feel it though, i mean i do but i want to experience love for the first time in my life.. I dont kust want random sex, i mean is it normal to wait longer periods whithout sex? Dont get me wrongppl say im a pretty girl, i am petite long hair big breast etc. but i've never been the type to just go quickly and sleep with another. Am i taking too long? i mean i know its been a year, but my coworker is like oh you live in la la la land, waiting for a fantasy. I mean is it wrong to want to wait for someone that will make love to you and treat you like a woman. Should i go and "hunt" for these things, i mean lately i just sit home alone because i just have no energy, i am going through a depression.. Should i believe that the right guy will come if I dont go "look" for it..and is it normal that its been a year without sex, but i'm not sooo eager to have "it" but am eager to experience "love"
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 April 2011):
 No, it's not wrong at all. Personally it's been a year and a half since I last had sex. I've finally met someone who I connect well with, but we're waiting to have sex until we're sure about our feelings. Different people value sex on different levels. There is nothing wrong with what you are doing. If it's right for you, that's what matters the most.
Take your time and good luck. Don't cave in to peer pressure, you won't find happiness that way.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): You are totally normal, and better than normal you have learned to respect yourself."is it wrong to want to wait for someone that will make love to you and treat you like a woman"No, but you should figure out what you like in a man, and look for that. But, you don't find that by sleeping with him, you only find out what it is like to have sex with him.You don't just need to get laid, a lot of people do just that and end up with piles of regrets that they can't deal with and lots of doctors visits and antidepressants and anxiolytics and all sorts of shit.Love, real love, abiding love, is worth waiting for and looking for. I found it, my first two relationships ended, the first never really got off the ground, the second was a long term one, and then 4 years later, after the second ended disastrously, I found HER, the one, and she was worth waiting for. Lots of opportunities to get laid were passed by, but finding that one person, and not having a trail of drama behind me that would complicate things, really made things better (at least for me, she had the trail of drama behind her and she had issues because of that).
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 You're not taking too long no, you have got out of a very disturbing situation and i think it's going to take you a long time to be able to fully trust a man again.
Taking things slowly is the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Not every guy out there is just after sex, so maybe start going out and meeting people, but if you do get chatting to men, make sure they understand that you would like to take things slowly, this way they are less likely to hurt you if they are serious about you.
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