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How long can we be engaged for before actually getting married?

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Question - (28 July 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 July 2011)
A male Nigeria age 36-40, *uza2k3 writes:

i want to get engaged to my girlfriend

I want to get engaged to my girlfriend, but i dont think i'll be ready for marrige for the next 3 years... I got some advice from my friends, and they told me that its not a nice thing to get engaged to my girlfriend when I am not going to get married to her within 4 years, I am confused because i really love her and am eager to get engaged with her with a ring. I just want to know how long can we be engaged with a ring before marriage?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011):

Just a thought!

As a chick (that just got enagaged rather recently) I would be really upset if my fiance didn't have the intention of marrying me in the near future.

BUT!!!!

In a situation like yours....why not consider giving her a promise ring?? A lot of couples do that now...it's a ring you'd give to your girlfriend to let her know that you're serious about her & really love her & promise that one day...when the time is right, you'll get engaged to her & get married.

It seems like a nice compromise if you ask me. It's just an alternative idea.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011):

I don't think a long engagement is a problem at all. My fiance proposed and we got married three years later (on the day!).

That said he proposed with the intention that we'd get married as soon as was practical and it was only due to external factors that we didn't get married straight away, ie he proposed and was ready to get married straight away.

I don't think you should propose if you don't think you're ready to get married. But if you feel you love your girlfriend and want to marry her but want to wait for other reasons (ex. finish schooling, save for a dream wedding etc) that's fine.

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A female reader, dmartin89 United Kingdom +, writes (28 July 2011):

dmartin89 agony auntYou don't get engaged just because you love someone. You get engaged because its a promise of marriage and a long life together. If you don't intend to marry her within the next couple years then don't propose!

To be honest, its a bit of an insult to propose marriage then say "oh by the way, I don't want to get married yet". It shouldn't be just on your terms, you are doing this together. Have you even spoken about marriage with her yet? Do you know what her intentions of this relationship are?

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