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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My partner and i separated about 4 weeks ago. We had been together 4 years. The break up was horrible. He called me one day at work told me he cheated on me then dumped me...i was in shock because i had no idea anything was wrong.im still hurting. Anyway immediately after the break up i deactivated my Facebook account. I am now wanting to return to Facebook to keep in touch with a few friends from overseas. .the problem is i don't want to have 4 years worth of reminders of my ex on my account. We both used social media a lot together it would take huge amounts of time to delete everything.i also would need to defriend all of our mutual friends as i dont want to see anything of him at all. I have considered just deleting the entire account snd starting a new one but a few people have told me i shouldn't. Any advice on best way to deal with social media and ex partners?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2017): Tough call but do what makes you most comfortable. I still have someone as a friend on my account who once meant something to me. My first instinct was to unfriend especially because we don't really have mutual friends and found that his reactions to posts/pictures of myself were different to those of other women friends. While he "liked" or would say something such as "very nice pic of you" to others, he would not acknowledge mine but when he did, he would only comment by saying something off the wall such as "that's a big purse you're carrying." Never liked, never a complimenting comment. So I got to thinking that he did this on purpose. I even asked him if it would be best for us not to be friends on FB and used the excuse that the majority of his friends were work or school friends and might be best and more comfortable fo him to stick to his group. He said no. At this point, what was comfortable for ME was to restrict and unfollow so now there is much less contact and the whole thing better to handle. However, because he dumped you, you may just want to unfriend but only you can decide.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2017): Hey, I'm really sorry, sweetheart! It really sucks! If anybody knows how it feels, I do!
You've got to be a big girl. I've got dumped, and we didn't have a problem either. I went through everything you're going through.
There's one difference. I went cold-turkey, and left all my social media accounts just as they are. I refused to wimp-out! I did all the crying, ruminating about the good old days, bingeing on chocolate; and hiding-out on weekends; so I didn't have to face anybody I knew. Been there, done that!
Just go with the emotions, baby! Let'em flow! Then pull it together. All this mess about mutual friends and whatnot, the world still revolves around the sun. You can't delete people out of existence. You're bound to see them face to face. Are you going to walk around town with horse-blinders on? Creeping stealthily through back-alleys; and climbing down manholes to sneak around through underground storm drains? Just don't use it for a few months.
Get a grip girlfriend. Let your emotions takeover, then pull yourself back. Give yourself time to grieve. Don't fuss over Facebook and be a drama queen. You can't surrender all your power and strength to the dick who dumped you. You're better than that. You're stronger than that. He kicked you in the gut and knocked the wind out of you. Nothing is better for you than to just stand-up to it and power your way through.
You will relapse. You'll feel like sh*t one day; and almost yourself the next. Facebook is the least of your problems.
Just go offline for a while. Leave everybody where they are and make a phone call or text them. Face the world hon, nobody's going anywhere; just because you unfriended them on Facebook. They still exist in real-time. So you got to be a big girl. Fall to pieces when you're home alone, pickup lots of tissues, and talk to yourself. You'll get through this without messing with social media. You can set your account so only certain preferred people can see your posts.
You're an adult and a bit mature to be hindered by FB issues. Face this like a woman and you'll get through it.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 Of course it's not a big deal to them. It didn't happen to them.
Do whatever will make things easier for you. Making a new Facebook is definitely not a sign of a breakup consuming your life, if anything it's starting a fresh and taking a step in getting over things.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (26 July 2017):
 I take a little time every now and again to go through my so called friend's list weed out the ones I WANT TO DUMP,
It is up to you if an ex is no longer a friend block him and the sooner you do it the better, some block their ex once he is out and they even except that ex back on Facebook years after, then it can open new problems as the other half can get upset seeing that you are keeping up some type contact,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2017): Op here. They have told me i shouldn't because they think its not a big deal to have memories and they also think im letting the break up control my life by deleting my account.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 July 2017):
Why would your friends advise you not to make a new account? Makes no sense at all. If you don't have time/don't want to delete everything then your only options are make a new account or keep in contact with friends by alternative means.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (26 July 2017):
What reasons do other people have for not starting a new account? I can't see what would be wrong with it - you can always retrieve photos and messages at a later date when you have the courage..
Or get a trusted friend to sit down with you while you "clean-up" your account.
Or just stick to emails and phone calls for a couple more months until you're ready
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 July 2017):
 I can't advise you on how to limit who you can see on Facebook. However, why not simply email your friends instead of talking to them on a public forum? In that way he won't see what you write and you won't see him.
There is also the telephone - I think we still have them. LOL.
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