A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How is it possible to find out the cause, of my husband's impotence? He is unable to maintain an erection, and he says due to this he lost his sexual desire. So now, he has erectile dysfunction, and total loss of sexual desire at the last few years. He had extensive medical checkup ,and nothing was showing in the tests, what would indicate his total loss of sexual function. So the situation I dont know why is he impotent, and how can we resolve it. It is a double trouble, because he also have no desire, so Viagra, wont help on that. And if he has no desire, he is not motivated to get any more investigation in his health, what is more likely mental health. What am I suppose to do in this situation? He wont go to counseling, as he already did, and we went together too, but the counselor had no suggestion what is causing his problem . I know it sounds like a very complex case, and it is, so this is why I don't know what to think. I wish if I would find someone in the same situation.
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 April 2012):
 In our 40's many men lose their sexual desire and some even lose their ability to have an erection. There are many potential causes for this:
1) Low testosterone / too much soy food. As we age, this hormone drops. Soy can increase estrogen, which will result in a lack of sex drive. They put soy into everything these days and sometimes people consume more than they should or are sensitive to it.
2) Circulation disease: If he is overweight, pre-diabetic, diabetic, these are all reasons for not being able to have an erection. Often times not being able to have an erection is the hallbringer of future problems. If your husband is severely out of shape or in poor health, encourage him to hit the gym.
3) Try to have sex in the morning. Most men have a natural erection first thing in the morning due to spiked hormone levels. Try to take advantage of it.
4) He has to realize that part of his duty as a husband is to provide sexually for his wife (within reason). Even if his desire has waned, he can stimulate you orally and manually and you can have some level of physical intimacy by holding one another. He also needs to understand that people with lack luster sex lives often find themselves drifting apart, or worse, seeking affection from someone else.
5) Have you tried seducing him (I assume you have). Perhaps watching an adult movie together would ignite his desire or seeing you in something sexy. Sometimes a weekend away in a romantic location can reignite his libido.
6) Accept that libido loss is an inherit part of the aging process. Women go through menopause and often times report a loss of libido. While it seems unfair your husband has lost his earlier than what you'd like, but it is part of getting older.
Finally, I hate to break it to you, there are no easy fixes here.
Hopefully your husband will come to understand my 4th suggestion. Failing that, you will have to come to a decision that only you can make for yourself: seek outside stimulation, learn to live with it, or pleasure yourself.
Hopefully you'll find a solution to your dilemma and know that what you are going through is fairly common.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 April 2012):
 He had his thyroids and testosterone levels checked? If these are not the cause I would venture maybe stress or something traumatic.
Will he talk to you about it? Does he feel bad that he can't/isn't pleasing you sexually?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Did something happen that triggered his impotence?Does he only lack desire, or does he also lack the ability to have an erection? A healthy man usually has an erection near or upon waking in the morning. If he is no longer experiencing this erection, it could simply be a sign of aging, but it could also be a health issue. Only a doctor can discern.This next possibility may be upsetting for you. I apologize in advance, for any stress this may cause you. Because he has told you that viagra will not work bacause he lacks desire, you must consider that something about you has changed in a way that makes you undesireable to him. He may desire someone else. Or, benignly, he may just not be interested in having sex with anyone at all ever again. If you have begun to experience menopause, your body is no longer producing the same amount of hormones as when you were fertile. This can cause a man to 'lose desire' as well.Try asking him if there is anything you can do to restore intimacy to your marriage.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Has something else happened in is life to crush the spark. E.g has work fallen to pieces, has he lost a family member or something else devastating? Maybe he's feeling so hopeless about life that it's killing the desire to be intimate with you too?? Otherwise my only suggestion is that he really needs to do some very deep examining to figure out what on earth has gone wrong.
All the best I hope this gets resolved for you!
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