A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How does one stop being so desperate for a man? I realize and this is the lesson (hard learned) that me and most of my gf are desperate for men- so much that sadly we do a lot and get nothing out of relationships- I did a lot for my ex and out of the blue he dumped me after a couple of months via text and threw my stuff out (cruel and shattered) my hopes in thinking that being nice to a man would be worth it. I also see my gf who sadly got played and the man she was seeing used her for money. Now even though the stories are different the similarities are there in the way we act- I blame myself even though there is nothing I could have done - I was as nice and loving to someone that chewed me up and spat me out and IM still months later not over it! Why am I so stuck on love and obsessed about it? It feels like kryptonite when it comes and I see me and my girlfriends plagued in this cycle- I'm not logical when I meet a guy- I missed all the red flags with my ex but I wanted a relationship so bad that I said yes to a lot of things I shouldn't have- how can a girl like me or my friends who are even worse than me get past this "I'm depressed- I wanna get back at him-I thjnk it was my fault" or let me see to get another guy cycle. It's sad but I'm 31 this is not acceptable thinking- my heart is saddened that no matter how nice u are people will do this cause I see the same thing happening to my gf"s but I guess I believe maybe unlike them that I want to get help and some kind opinions here . I want to be a woman that for once in my life I can be okay without a man and without everything in my life revolving around serving/ finding/ making a man happy. Any kind advice would help Lately I have seen my gf go in a downward spiral of depression and taking pain killers to numb her sadness of not finding a man that I just don't want to play this role anymore
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depressed, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2017):
 Maybe try and get your friend to seek help, taking painkillers is a sign that she needs professional help. As for you I think you being nice is your problem. You allow men to walk all over you. Learn from that. Learn that a relationship is a two way street and give what you receive back. If you start doing everything for a man he will take advantage. You need to gain self confidence believe you are worthy off a good boyfriend, one who treats you equally.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 April 2017):
 Please seek therapy and find things that enrich your life.Volunteer. Get a new hobby. Travel.Pining after men means your life isn't full enough for you to be happy otherwise. It's perfectly okay to *want* a partner, but to be obsessed or depressed because of it means you need therapy to move forward.
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