A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found out that my boyfriend of 8 months cheated on me. The girl he cheated on me with is suppose to be one of my good friends, and her boyfriend told me.I didn't talk for like twenty minutes, because I just sat there in shock. Apparently thus happened two weekends ago. I am not sad, I am embarassed. I can't believe so many people have known this and have been watching me kiss him, and tell him I love him so much, how could they just sit there and let me make a complete fool of myself?This girls boyfriend told me EVERY detail that my boyfriend told him, only because her boyfriend threatened to kick his lights out if he didn't.This all makes sense to me now, the day after this happened. We strangely broke up for no reason - he just ended it. Later that night, he called me and I went over there and he started crying, claiming he 'out of the blue' caught an STD.I pushed this to the back burner - thinking this was a bacterial infection, because I had got bumps like he had a few months back and the doctor told me it wasn't an std.I really can't believe this has happened to me, as I thought he loved me and I love him so much. I know he will deny it, as the I've talked the girl, and she is 'swearing' this is not true. I haven't talked to him about it yet, because I know I won't be able to talk calmly about it and I don't wanna blow up, because I know I will get out of control if I even see him.I already want to forgive him, I just want to forget about it and strangely, I wish I had never found out about it. I don't know if there is anything that can save this relationship now. I mean how does anybody forgive somebody who has cheated on them? I don't know if I could - with that constant image in my mind.But, I don't know if I could deal with the pain of loosing him for good either. Which one hurts more?
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broke up, cheated on me, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I think baby duck speaks a lot of truth here, you didn't really "confront" him in the way I would have hoped. Of course with the way you asked him, he would have denied, seemed like you knew this already. Well I don't have to go into it because baby duck did.
Well either way good luck, hope things work out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your helpful advice. I still feel sick to my stomach everytime I think about - some things are so hard to swallow.
I called him and I was like, "so, how was ___" and he was like, "I don't know what your talking about" and I was like, "Don't act like you don't, you know you do" and he's like, "Is that what you called to say?" and I was like, "yeah" and he's like, "whatever then peace out" and hung up on me?
Like how does he even have the nerve to hang up on me..? It just doesn't make sense. I know he will call me in a couple hours.. but I don't know what to think or do anymore. I think this is worse then having us someone break up with you..
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2009): Unfortunately, I think most answers you will find are everyone's own personal experience for form an opinion or preference. It's really hard to say which is right and wrong , and I really don't know if I could be with a girl if she cheated on me like that.
I'm someone who believes in honesty and if a girl kept a situation like that from me, I'd prolly breakdown and refuse to look at her. I'd prolly cry hugging her asking why over and over. Having said that, cheating is big no no and I don't give second chances when that happens.
I guess to deal with it I would need some time for myself to think things through. I think most people would do this before jumping back into the relationship. While it is to mostly analyze what happened, reflecting on yourself and what you want is important as well. I guess a big part of forgiveness comes with acceptance on both sides.
In any case, you should confront him. I would like to think that he denying it, is a bad thing and surely isn't a good sign of good things to come, but you know him and yourself better than I do. I'd think by now you at least deserve the truth but it's still up to u.
As for your question, I think only you can answer it, in which hurts more.
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female
reader, Helples  +, writes (13 July 2009):
 This is my belief: Once a cheater, always a cheater. If you forgive him now, he'll think it's okay to cheat since nothing happened between you two. I don't think anybody wants a boyfriend who cheats on them. Nobody should have that kind of boyfriend. Each girl should be treated special, like the princess they are.You don't have to lose him for good. Its clear he still needs you considering that he called you after he called it off to tell you about his STD. You two could probably stay friends. Show him how good of a person you are, because you truly are to even be contemplating about this, and he'll see what a treasure he's lost. Once he does figure that out, you can ask yourself whether it's worth it to be with him again.You should talk to him. Don't be afraid to explode because you have every right to. Show him how you really feel, tel him how you really feel. Don't sugar coat it. You have to be honest in a relationship: friendship or couple-wise.
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male
reader, Cale03 +, writes (13 July 2009):
 its ok to forgive people who cheat on you but don't be blinded by how much you love him don't let him drag you on. don't let him play with you. And just acting like it never happened is a way to cope for alot of people and others may not have told you because the didn't want to see you get hurt think about it. it wouldn't be easy to tell your friend their boyfriend cheated on them. but like i said don't let him drag you around. I've seen far too many girls torment themself by letting a guy do that to them over and over because they love them and you can't do much to help. you can show them what he's doing but if they watch is a different story...don't let yourself be blinded
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