A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, Im a 31 year old woman and my last relationship ended a few months ago.I've been trying online dating but haven't found anything lasting from it. Generally I tend to meet men who lose interest after a few dates and stop calling me. I'm fairly attractive but a bit reserved with new people. Of course I don't expect everyone to find me attractive but I wondered if I am not making it clear enough that I'm interested in them. What would you say is the best way of doing this without looking desperate? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016): Just another Aunt here but WiseOWLE, I love that answer. The last bit was terribly cute =)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016): It's possible that they "lose interest" because they may feel you are too reserved. That in turn leads to a stagnant, awkward conversation. Who knows? To keep a guys interest I think you should be a good conversationalist. Just treat the date as if you're going to meet a good friend. Talk to him like you're talking to a buddy. You don't have to overtly show interest to let someone know you like them. All you have to do is open up about yourself, be genuine, ask him lots of questions so you show him you are interested in getting to know him. And that's it. Just let things unfold naturally.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (14 August 2016):
 I think a simple "Thank you for a lovely evening. I would love to do it again sometime if you're up for it" is sufficient to tell them you enjoyed their company and would like to meet up again, without sounding like you are going home to start shopping for a wedding dress.
Being a woman in the dating world is tricky, isn't it? Remember these guys have their own agendas as well so, for most of the time, it will not be about anything you have done or not done, but about where they are up to in their lives.
Good luck. Hope you find someone nice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2016): Correction: Massaging my shoulders...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2016): One of the things I had to learn when I was thrust into the dating world is knowing myself. I wanted companionship, but didn't want to come-off as desperate for it. We tend to allow our loneliness to get the better of us; and we approach people a little too eagerly. That is desperation, which does come in different levels of intensity. You may be nervous, too eager to please, or demand too much attention all at once. This is a turnoff, even if someone did that to me.
If you accept a date, automatically he'll know you're interested. If you initiate the connection and would like to see him, ask if he'd like to go out. Take "no" for an answer, without feeling rejected. Yes, doesn't mean he's looking for a girlfriend or a wife. Just a date.
Be patient. Don't approach with a mission. Let time and nature take its course. Nothing valuable is easy to find, nor easy to maintain. You have to be your own best friend; so loneliness doesn't overwhelm you, and overrule your better judgment. Yes, you'd love someone to date; but let love find you. Don't pursue love, or you'll be very frustrated and disappointed. As destiny will have it, someone is out there making his way to you. During this time, you work on your weaknesses and insecurities. Refine and develop your best qualities, and prepare. You should relax and be open to those who'd like to get to know you. Enjoy the company of those who make the effort. Don't expect love to come quickly; because it is evasive. That's actually for our own good. Sometimes we need to tweak a few things about our personality that other people see, that we don't. We also need to establish we're both on the same page.
Unfortunately, a lot of men don't like to be aggressively pursued by women. Like it or not. Some do, but you have to test the waters first. Not because they don't want commitment, but because most guys prefer to decide in their own time.
The fact you wrote your post means you have already begun to look inward in introspect. Hopefully our advice will help. Continue on; but let nature take its course. If you meet someone, just have fun and enjoy the company without feeling pressured to find a boyfriend immediately. Love will find you in due time. If no results have come about, use the time to pursue other interests, and enjoy life.
Meanwhile, evaluate the gentlemen who do come calling. Reserve your feelings to allow your mind to rule your heart, and not the other way around. When the right guy comes along, you'll both know.
Things will happen without too much effort; because the chemistry is there. You only have be pushy when he's showing little or no interest. Be that the case, stop. That's desperation. Offer your natural charm, be confident, and guys will pickup on it. If you get out of the mindset of finding a boyfriend, you'll feel less pressured. He'll show-up, when what will seem like out of nowhere.
How do I know this? Because that's how it happened to me.
The first time, it lasted over 20 years until he passed-away. The second-time, he showed-up out of the blue. It's going on three years; and he's messaging my shoulders as I write this. He likes reading my answers. I don't always allow him to.
Good luck sweetheart!
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