A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm in the usa for 4 months for study purposes (i come from europe) and i really don't know anyone here. i'm a very very shy person (probably with some form of social anxiety) and so it usually takes a long time for me to make friends and open up to people (and i'm just talking about the very few i feel comfortable with).i do talk with a few of the people in my class, but haven't really clicked with them. anyways, those already have their own life here and group of friends. So basically i just see them in class: when school is over and during the weekend, i'm alone. i don't mind it so much because i'm used to this, and i tend to flee from human company, but sometimes the loneliness gets to me. so i would really love to be able to make at least one friend or just someone to hang out with. To make it happen, as i don't think its clicking with people from my classes: i would like to try to meet people through the internet, but i dont really know where to look: not too comfortable on meetup,com as this is for group activities which is not my thing as meeting new people all at once is too much for me and just nerve-racking. i'd prefer to meet people on a one to one basis, so okcupid,com seemed more suitable as it has the option just to be looking for people to become friends/activity partners with, but i still have the feeling that this is still dating-oriented (it makes me uncomfortable too because i already have a boyfriend and am not getting rid of him anytime soon!). For now only straight/single guys contacted me, but i have the feeling that it's not only to be friends. i wonder if they even paid attention that my profile mentions "in a relationship" button and only "looking for friends and activity partners". Do you guys have any tips on meeting new people or any websites that focuses on this?
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female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (12 November 2012):
 That's great news :) I hope it goes well for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionStaceily, thanks for your advice! i think you're right about the actual nature of okcupid: it would have been too good to be true - i'm deleting my profile asap! About meetup, i will browse through the type of activities again and check for something i know i would be quite comfortable in and also that's not too crowded (that's a really good point). about the girls in class, actually since i posted the message there is one i'm starting to get to know, and we also organized a dinner for the coming few days with some of the other people, so things are looking up a bit, but i really would like to try the meetup alternative too.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (10 November 2012):
Don't use any online site to find friends one on one. It will always be sexual. Even the profiles that claim they are looking for just friends as yours does means pretty much nothing, you speak to the person thinking you are on the same page then they try and set up a sex date. Even females but especially males. Single males don't sign up for ok Cupid looking for friends who are female. So forget that and craigslist. Meetup is a very good site. I know you don't like groups but is it the size of the group that makes a difference? I am very shy as well and could never do a large group where I just walk in alone, but if it were a small book club of only 4 members I would be okay. Maybe try to find a smaller meetup group if that's your problem. Being shy is difficult in making friends because it forces you out of your comfort zone. To make friends you really just need to overcome it a little bit at a time. Maybe ask one of the girls from class if she would like to go out for a bite to eat later on, just because she has established friends doesn't mean she can't have a new one. It's going to take confidence and putting yourself in situations where you aren't the most comfortable but that's how it has to happen, friends won't fall into your lap without any effort. Put yourself out there a little bit and see what happens.
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