A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I too have a propensity for endearment for a woman 21 years younger than me.I have watched her evolve from a 23 year old girl to a 31 year woman and have gone from a crush to something else much stonger.Only problem is that she hates men due to a bad relationship that when sour about 8 years ago when she was really too young to handle it.I'm nut about her and think about her all the time but since I am a co-worker I don't have the guts to approach her with the realy truth and can't seem to befriend her in a platonic way either.The mind tells me one thing but the "Heart wants what the heart wants".
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co-worker, crush, older man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 November 2012):
 Stupid is as stupid does.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 November 2012):
 Actually OP it’s not a stupid question at all. How were we to know your history without you saying something… people come on here all the time and post questions and some of them are 40 year old virgins with NO experience. Some are Autistic or have Aspergers and have never been able to connect to other people. EWO had a very legitimate question.
Your ANGER at the question is very telling and the fact that you have had a LTR (and I am sorry for the loss of your beloved wife) is very telling and yes it has EVERYTHING to do with this issue. The fact that you can’t see that is important as well.
Do you always compartmentalize the issues in you life this way?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012): I'm sorry but "did you ever have a long term relationship" is a really STUPID question.
I was married for 31+ years when my wife died but this has nothing to do with this issue. And, no I never cheated on my wife with this young woman or any other.
Is this an adequate answer?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 November 2012):
I'm curious, have you ever been in a long term relationship?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2012): Well crap!!! I just found out from my male friend /co-worker what happended to my young friend that turned her away.Evindently she heard me talking to him about my hidden desire to be more than friends if it could be open to that down the road.I must have commented on how attractive she is to me in a physical sense and she was walking by and heard me.What a dumbass I am. Now I have blown it in two ways. She will never be friends with me as she is freaked out about my feelings and also I have screwed up my professional relationship with her too.Did I say dumbass? I guess it did it to myself and there is probably no comfortable way to manage this error.She will probably never get close to me again so there is no reason for me to even think about it from now on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): I agree with all the answers above.I did befriend her several times and then each time she turns away from me down the road for some weird reason.Now romance was never an issue or brought up or even hinted to my me. I have always treated her with respect using my head. What I am referring to is what is in my heart but... see below.I guess that I know she is troubled and will ned some prfessional help to get over this if she can swallow her pride.It's too bad as she is a good person when she forgets the past pains in her life for a while. Even though I feel this I would not want to date her for a several months or perhaps years until she were to hopefully get better.I will not persue in a platonic friendship or anything else from now on as I can't get through to her anyway but it makes me sad as everyone deserves to have happieness in their lives and while long term happieness of a romantic sort with me is not probable it sure would be nice in a perfect world.Thanks for your time. I guess I am done here.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (15 November 2012):
You are a little long in the tooth to be mooning around like a love sick teenager. There is nothing here that gives the slightest glimmer of hope for a relationship with this woman. I think you know that or at your age you should. Have you EVER been in a long term relationship?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2012):
I ask your heart "how does it feel to want?"
you have several things going against you:
1. she's a co-worker and it's NEVER a good idea to date a co-worker... if it does not work out ONE of you will have to either find a new job or cope with the feelings of seeing someone you "used to know" every day... not comfortable. Here at my office it's 5 floors and we do have some husband and wife teams that work here but they are NOT allowed to work in the same area. AND many of them came to employment here as married couples...
2. She is not interested in dating men... cut and dried. IF she was a lesbian it would be the same thing, you're beating a dead horse... SHE'S NOT INTERESTED...
and finally
3. I'm going to bet she sees you as a father figure if she notices you at all. MOST people are very wary of age gap relationships. They are viewed as "abnormal" either on the younger woman's part as wanting a "sugar daddy" or father figure (not always true btw) or on the OLDER woman's part as a "cougar" I HATE that term... I am 13 years older than my husband and it's very difficult some times for me as the older partner. I see him having to care for me as I age and I worry about him being left alone and since women live longer than men I've got less of a worry than you would about her since even if you did get with her and it was serious and permanent you will leave her a young(ish) widow...
do you want kids? I bet she might and by that time you will be too old for kids. I know I'm ready for grand babies but there is no way I could raise a child now even with help...
I'm sorry but it's been 8 years and if she was even remotely interested in you, it would either be over and done already or you two would be together.
I think you need to figure out how to let this go...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Two reasons why you should let this go.
1. If she hates men, what makes you think she would even be interested in entertaining a guy again?
2. If she was interested, chances are she'll only have motives to use and destroy you in some sort of bitter revenge for the past.
Take it from a 28 year old who yes, is younger than both of you, but who has made the unfortunate mistake on several occasions of getting involved with bitter women - These types of women are only women in the sense of physical body. On the inside they are relentless, men destroying machines.
One more thing that baffles me though, you haven't even befriended this woman, so how you know anything of her past is totally amazing.
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