A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:Is it very common ,that sex and affection dies down,after 25year of marriage? Does it matter,if you had a good marriage, with no big troubles with kids,or it is the same risk, 25 years is long for everyone? What happens,if people don't feel attracted to each-other at 50? How they will go on for an other 30 years together? I'm scared...Sex is none existent in my marriage, and we had lots of challenges to come through over the years, with kids and finances.So the marriage is totally burned out. No bad stuff,like cheating, violence, and lying, but its totally room-mate style. I know sex is overrated, but I feel worried ,if at 50 there is no affection left,than what will happen later on? I feel very undecided, not really able to imagine to go on,or to stay.He never looks at me with desire, and I lose my interest slowly because of that. I don't have any job,he was the breadwinner. It is probably a no win situation. What do you think? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): The fact is no sex is at times better than no sex.
Its not a bad attitude, its realistic.
After you've spent so much time, years even trying to "fix" the problems, and in the end nothing changes, you're left wondering what to do next.Sexual frustration can lead to feeling angry, upset, hurt. Sometimes to quieten those emotions, its better to avoid the frustration.
My husband fails to satisfy me in bed, his a selfish, and simply lousy. Sex with him leaves me frustrated. Which is fine for a week, a month, but years??? cmonI've tried telling what I like, need etc, but he never changes.
Going without an orgasm with your partner long term, does have an effect and put simply, you would rather not have any sex than experience intense frustration.
If all a women did was get her man hot and horny and never finishhed him off he'd be devasted. But when a man does it, then she's the one having a bad attitude.
Thats a double standard if I've ever heard one.
And to the man below who described how tickling his wifes knee doesn't do it for her anymore....GOD. What turns a woman on changes over time, if all a man does is replicate what worked once before, then is it any wonder she doesn't want to have sex with you any more. Talk about boring.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): It is the OP again..,
It is tricky ,you know. Because he says, he loves me, and he has some kind of a health problem, what is not discovered yet..But it looks like it is only in his head. Because nobody agreed with him on this yet. What Im afraid of, that he buried sex in his deep places, because ,he is a nice guy, but he won't admit things, so it is easier for him to block things. But the question is, How do you convince him on that? It s not like he knows , he is hiding things, as he is doing this unconsciously. So that is where my worries are.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011): it depends entirely on the people involved. Different people want and expect different things from their marriages. some people expect marriage to just be this security blanket and as long as they have that they don't care if there's no affection or sex. Why? maybe because they have over the years become complacent about not putting any effort into their marriage. So they become dulled and that's who they become.
Others want to have a connection with their partner for as long as they both are alive.
It's up to you what you want from your marriage, you have a right to feel that way. don't let people tell you that you must accept your marriage the way it is, if it's not what you want.
No I don't think your marriage is the way all marriages go. My parents have been married over 40 years and even when they are together in public they are so affectionate and lovey dovey to each other. And this is in public too. (in fact they are more affectionate to each other in public than my husband and I are! I think my parents are more into each other even after 40 years of marriage, than my husband and I are into each other after 10 years.)
I also know people who divorced later in life - meaning when children are grown and even with grandchildren - and remarried, and they are like teenagers in love when you see them out holding hands or with their arms around each other in public.
so...no not all marriages fade after 25 years!! Many do because those people become dulled. But you don't have to accept it! Try to see if you can rekindle your marriage. Otherwise, people do divorce and re-marry later in life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2011):
This is a bad attitude:
"I'd rather have no sex than bad sex."
This is how my wife feels, too. Well, I'd rather work on our sex life than have no sex, because no sex = no marriage as far as I a concerned. I think sometimes people are unsatisfied with sex because of their attitude and because of factors outside of the sex act itself. My wife used to love it when I tickled her knee in a certain way. She would laugh and go crazy. Now it doesn't affect her at all. I am sure her physical response is the same, so the problem is mental.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): I, the OP.
Yes, sex was great before... But now it is none existent. I don't think, it is the most important thing, but what if he will fall for someone else one day,who will light his fire..
And ,I would be just let down, with no explanation.
I see this happening too often. The wife is risking, when she gives up, yet no guaranties.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2011): Sex is not the biggest issue after 25yrs together,its that feeling of love and everything else that got you this far
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (17 June 2011):
 HI
This is more common than you think, 25yrs is a long marriage and well done for getting this far . Somewhere along the line you have both got into a habbit, you know your both there for eachother so you have become reliant on this. You need to start getting the spark as you know, And I would suggest speaking to your husband about this because he is probally feeling the same as you are right now. This is a great way to get things back on track IF you are both willing to try it.......For 1 week both lay completely naked together,( obviously at night time lol ) gently massaging one an other, scented candles, soothing music, even get a couple of feathes from a ann summers shop, to tickle eachothers back and legs, and anywhere it feels good, BUT do not kiss or touch any sexual organs. Do NOT make love even if you are both really really wanting to for 1 week ok? and by the time that week is up you will both be so raring to go, there will be no stopping you. AND you will both see just what it is you have been missing. And start to get back on track with your full mrried life. There is no reason at any age tht sex cant be great, there is no time expire date that says you cant havesex when you get to 50 plus, you should both be having a healthy sex life in no time if you try this plan ok xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Yes i do think that at some point in marriage things do start to dwindle down. However when this does happen efforts need to be made... You and your partner have to work at it. I would suggest marriage counseling and/or sex therapy. If you both cant do that then yes your relationship is much more likely to fail.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Was sex good when you were doing it? Just wondering? I am heading into sexlessness in my marriage, mainly because its unsatisfying. I'd rather have no sex than bad sex.
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