A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How does a 26 year old female become emotionally close and intimate with a man if have never done that before?Have always been busy with work, school, family, and guess a late bloomer! :) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (11 January 2008):
Do you have a particular guy in mind, or are you asking more for general information?
I should probably take the "... been busy with work, school, family ..." line at face-value, but I have to wonder if there's something more behind it: A truly quiet and shy person (not just somebody who SAYS she's quiet and shy, but a Myers-Briggs I-type personality to the max)? Perhaps an ugly duckling who finally got her weight under control, put some braces on that horizontal incisor, and just got a professional hairstyle for the first time in her life? Or somebody who just completed a PhD in Nuclear Physics, and already has 6 published papers and 3 patents?
I am NOT poking fun at any of these caricatures - I could easily fall for the brainy gal myself - but I'd probably give somewhat different advice.
I am the quiet and shy type. If you go through my old replies you can put together my biography. (Or, if it's important, ask and I'll tell you which ones to read.) I was a bit younger (22) but through college when I felt much like you do. Being "the only single in a sea of couples" can feel devastating. Of course, it's NOT true but until you find somebody it might as well be true.
My lifesaver was a much older acquaintance - my parents' age - who I confided my feelings to. She happened to know a young lady in a similar situation, and arranged for me to make her acquaintance. But not in person - events and geography conspired against us, and we were forced to write back and forth for 3 months before we met face to face.
We wrote real letters, on real paper. Sometimes a friendship card, or a trinket gift. In retrospect I think it was an excellent way for two shy people to get acquainted on a level much deeper than weather and sports scores. Being letters, we could take time to compose and respond to the other's thoughts - not like email, or IM, or phone conversation that demands more immediate responses. If we "said" something dumb or embarrassing we could erase it and the other would be none the wiser.
By the time we actually met in person we were rather well acquainted. It sure cut down on the "what should I say?", "suppose she doesn't like that idea?", "what will she think of me?" kind of speculation. We were already very acquainted, comfortable, and somewhat intimate with each other.
(The significance of what I'm about to write will be totally lost on many "DearCupid" readers.) I even made the bold move to try kissing her on our first date! And . . . she kissed back! Much later - maybe even after we were engaged - she told me how she sensed my apprehension and nervousness, and thought it was charming, cute, and amusing. She had decided that if I tried - she would let me, even though it was against her "first date ground rules". And we've been married long enough to have kids about your age . . .
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Get to know a man, be a friend to him . Charm him with your beauty and intelligence and everything will fall into place.
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