A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Fiancee is stealing my pain medication and lying to me about it. We have been together for 5 years and have planned on getting married soon. I't doesn't matter how well I lock my my pills up or hide them she always finds them and lies about taking them. This has been on-going for about a year now. She's taken them from my work and from my friends house when I've tried to hide them there. I feel defeated and like giving up. She spends all of our money on drugs and I can't keep the bills paid. My name is on the lease and I've tried to kick her out but she won't go. I'm so depressed and just want her out. I've given up on her ever quitting. What can I (legally) do to get her out of my house and life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): You said "I'm so depressed and just want her out. I've given up on her ever quitting. What can I (legally) do to get her out of my house and life?" So like Honeypie mentions in her advice to you, I agree with her. I also felt that from the 'tone' of your posting, you just want to walk away from all this. And we can't blame you. Thus is why my prior advisment was straight to the point, on how to get her out, effectively and quickly. I am not going to 'beat around the bush here', hun and I am going to be honest. It sounds to me that you loved a person who is addicted to drugs (pain killers), and I know that you are realizing...that the future looks pretty grim here. And you are 'right on the money'. Addicts are in love with something other than you. You are competing with the drugs as a rival for her full attention and focus on you. She has lied and stolen from you. The trust and respect is shattered. And it will worsen. That is so unfair to you. You really, really deserve a healthy love with a woman whose spirit of love is just for you. Already you have experienced it firsthand, the effects of how her addiction is affecting you. So the realities have settled in, haven't they.. Being engaged to a addict makes one ask themselves ...what will ourfuture life be like? Marriage, family?
If you think you still love her, you could tell her you will only remain with her, if she agrees to get into drug rehab, immediately, as suggested by the other Aunties. But you must stand firm on this. Let her know, if she doesn't do this, she will have to leave and and then stick to that plan.
But I am thinking here, it's gotten beyond that. Am I right? If so, then you need to detach and do the most sensible, bravest thing for yourself and walk away today and give yourself a chance at a happy future. Get her out of your life, before she takes you down...plain and simple. Be strong and good luck, hun. Keep us posted.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (9 January 2009):
Call the police and tell them that there is a woman in your house that is refusing to leave.
Either that or throw one of your pills out of the door and then bolt it shut when she goes after it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2009):
 Honestly I would talk to the building manager. He/She might even be able to refer a lawyer. Make sure you do it the right way.
Personally, if it's only your name on the lease I would honestly have the locks changed on the door. Pack all her crap up in boxes and put them somewhere for safe keeping. ( can be in your house.) Then tell her to pick a day to come get her stuff.
If she knows your bank info make sure you contact your bank too. If she has had access make sure she is taken off ALL bills. Electric, phone what not.
She is pulling you down and you need to move on.
If you can handle being with her if she seeks and complete treatment then of course that is a thing you could do too. But from the sound of your post you seem totally done with it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): You stated that you planed on marrying her which obviously means you have changed your mind, can I ask do you still love this woman? If so help her help as much as you can get her into a rehab, you loved her once before all this started (you said bout a year ago) I understand that you are at wits ends with this but if you love her please don’t kick her out, she might not want to leave coz she has a problem but does still love you, an addiction takes a hold on you and once you there its very hard to get out no matter how bad you might want to, she cant do it without help, 5 years is so long, the love must be true don’t give up on her show her that you are not judging her but only trying to help, offer to go with her to go see a councilor or something, she needs to speak to someone who understands what she is going through, she needs you support now more than ever, and once you come through this storm the sun could be shining on the other side, but don’t give up without trying. Don’t let love go without a fight.If not as the other poster said seek professional advise from a lawyer in your area, but please try and help her, you might be the only one who can.Good luck and keep us posted
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): She's your fiance and you plan on getting married soon, yet you're kicking her out of your house?! How do you plan on living with her after the wedding? If she has a drug problem, get her help... don't kick her out of your house. Especially if you plan on marrying her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Contact a lawyer in your area and look into your rights and what can be done. Many offer free consultations. When is your lease up? If your name is on the lease is it possible to hang in there until the lease is up and get a place of your own, without her. Tell her she has the option of remaining there without you, if she signs the new lease in her name only, or finding her own place but you are moving on ..without her. Another option would be to find out if you need to get a court order or some typwe of eviction order to get her out, within a certain time period (eg 30 days). If she doesn't move by the deadline, then the police come in and get her out for you. If she does go and you keep the place, get those locks changed on your doors asap.
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