| A
female
,
*1sheaba
writes: I am currently 17 and have been dating my boyfriend since we were both 15. We've been through many things and both changed some to make our relationship work, especially making sure we are on the same page regarding maturity. We don't want to be just another highschool fling. To get to my question, his parents are divorced and my parents are in the middle of one, but why wouldn't they want to change for eachother, within reason, if they really loved eachother? Wouldn't they want to change for that person? Then how do you make a relationship work anyway aside from communication and making sure that if you lose one thing you had in common to replace it with another? I don't have an adult I can talk to, but I really want to know how to work against the odds of eventually getting a divorce, no matter who I marry. It would mean a lot to get an answer. Thank You.
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1985 +, writes (13 December 2005):
whilst communcating is key so is comprimise. Changing for someone is not always posistive ifs it not for teh same reason and a mutual one at that. There is no way that you can predict your future adn whilst divorce is not a nice option it is sometimes teh best for all involved, it shows maturity to be able to change and reflect that people outside of teh marriage may in fact make the people happier in reference to future relationships, that is teh jey to hold onto a realtionship knowing that you can realise when it is time to let go.
Although i can understand where this questions are coming from considering teh hard time you must be going through, but your young and its these experiences noe that shape future relationships and your way of handling them. So enjoy it, it wont always be easy and you may get hurt but through this you can only grow stronger (speaking from personal experince).
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 December 2005):
hello,
Thats great that you have a positive and motivated attitude, with that you are pretty much half way there to a successful relationship! As long as you and your partner can go into a relationship with a positive attitude, keen to work hard, commited (not giving up when times get tough) and in all make each other happy then it can really make THE difference.
I understand that you have seen relationships fall apart, like your bf's parents and yours are soon to be divorced, but I believe that even if you are in love very much, that sometimes it doesnt mean that a relationship will work or is for the best. For example, 2 people might really love each other but due to perhaps say one wants kids and one doesnt, making that a long time commitment might not be the best, because having children to one person is very importnat but to the other its not, so in that situation love might not hold it together. Do you understand what I mean? You asked why wouldnt they change for each other, within reason if they loved each other, well perahps those changes aren't in reason to them. Or perhaps they just weren't in love anymore. Or maybe they just didn't want to keep on trying, as divorces are often quite overwhelming and maybe they just feel they can't cope anymore.
Basicly my advice to you is to keep on doing what you are doing. You are doing everything you can in YOUR power. Unfortunalty you cant control whether or not your relationship with your bf will work out, but you can impact in quite a bit so make it the best impact you can. You seem like a very smart girl who is dedicated to making this work so I'm sure when problems arise you will deal with them in a appropiate way. Keep with your positive and hard working attitude and im sure that if you are with someone who is very much dedicated like you, things will work out great! Good luck and I would like to also just say its great that there is someone like you in the world!
...............................
A
female
reader, emmasen +, writes (13 December 2005):
Hi,
Divorce is just one of those thing that happens sometimes no matter how much you may love someone. Sometimes people grow apart, decide they want different things or just fall out of love. You seem like you've got a good idea already of what is needed in a relationship, communication is definetly very important as are trust and honest and also having fun together!! Whilst its good, especially at your age for you and your partner to have your own seperate friends, you can also have things you do together that you both enjoy doing :).
Basically, you need to respect one anothers feelings and wishes and unfortunately this often breaks down in marriages. Dont worry about it too much though you've got plrenty of time to meet the right person for you :)
Emmasen x
...............................
|
