A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there. I'll try and keep this brief and to the point. I'm 27 years old and have only been on 1 date which wasnt all that great. Never had a long (or short term relationship) but I always tried to tell myself I dont want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in one. Now. I've been one of those people that takes longer to know if they want to date someone (probably to my detriment) by which point the girl I like typically only sees me as a friend. I've been trying to meet people using hinge and have seen people's profiles who have a number of shared interests as me and have left comments asking about those interests but have had 0 responses in the past month and a half. My question is how do you maintain a positive attitude when nobody seemingly has any interest in you? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Without Me  +, writes (25 February 2019):
Id like to add a couple of thoughts after reading the other answers. I agree people seem compelled to overexaggerate on dating sites.She says that she is 110 lbs and shows up weighing 200. He shows pics of his huge muscles at the gym and the flashy car. Nothing wrong with weight (wanted to add that). The point is a lot of false advertising. To be honest I dont bother with those sites. They attract phonies and liars looking for sex. You dont seem the type who is shallow, but you are your worst critic. Looking for love in places like that and bars you are asking for letdowns and disappointments.You meet people in the strangest most random places...usually you arent even looking. When you try too hard thats when it is discouraging.The MOST important thing is just be yourself.You dont need to change you to meet someone. You want someone who wants YOU. You are neither defective or inadequate...its really a change of perspective you need. Stop being your own worst enemy.
A
female
reader, Without Me +, writes (25 February 2019):
I can only speak from a womans point of view, but I think I understand exactly what you are saying. You asked how you can keep a positive attitude. I heard the words NOBODY and NEVER when you are describing the problem. I think you have already defeated yourself with that black and white thinking. You are holding onto your heart so tightly,you are watching time go by and it seems like there are little results. Id be willing to bet you have lost out on someone or more than one opportunity by guarding your heart and/or expecting perfection. I understand. I believe you may be a little scared. Its good to be selective, but realize no one is perfect. Life and relationships arent black and white. Try to see that grey area a little more. You know the phrase: You live, you learn. You arent willing to live even a little. Im fairly certain you are very tough on yourself as well. No one is perfect..not you and not me. No matter how a person looks everyone has their flaws. You may feel like it but people cant see through you. You seem like a decent honest person, and I get it you are selective and analytical. But at some point you have to risk getting hurt, take a leap of faith, and just JUMP. Try it out..someone is interested..but are you really available?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2019): We're in a high-tech age where people rely very heavily on social media and digital devices; so people-skills get a little awkward, rusty, or they may be non-existent.
There's nothing wrong with taking your time to evaluate someone before you ask for a date; but make sure you're not stalling out of insecurity, or fear of rejection.
Your post doesn't indicate you have much confidence in yourself; so women will pickup on that.
I wouldn't put a lot of stock in dating profiles; because people embellish, or steal ideas from other profiles. You don't know a person until you've met them and spent time with them.
You won't get a lot of hits, because everyone is looking for Mr. Perfect. Eye-candy, ahead of substance and character. The guys boasting about their travels, and showing-off. Flexing and displaying their pricey mountain bikes or motorcycles. They have a lot of friends in the background; so they look carefree, have disposable income, and they know how to have fun. They are usually conceited jerks, but they get all the hits!
You have to develop interpersonal-skills; because if you're pushing 30 and haven't been on many dates. I guess you need to develop your personality and gain some self-confidence.
Don't rely too heavily on dating sites. They make a lot of promises and push a lot of hype; but you're dealing with people, vanity, and human-nature. Try to meet people by attending sports events, concerts, be active politically in your community, and show-up to give a hand when there is a recruitment for volunteers for a good cause. You've got to be visible, interesting, and you've got to stand-out.
Keep-up and modernize your appearance. If you still have your old high-school haircut, dress like you did when you were 16, or just let yourself go; you won't compete with those guys on the sites sporting abs and sports cars.
Take tips from the guys on the internet about looking sharp, being confident, and good grooming.
So you have to have charm, be comfortable with people, be engaging, and friendly. Exude maturity and confidence, and don't take it hard if you're friend-zoned. Many women don't have a clue what they want, or try too hard to change people to mold them into what they want. Be your own man.
Get a health routine going. Get out in the fresh air. Go to the gym. Jog, cycle, or get a dog for a running companion. Don't get a pet if you don't like animals; or don't have time to care for one! Just a suggestion.
A simple profile with an updated picture helps. Show a few pictures of yourself doing something you enjoy. Don't over-sell a fabulous profile describing traits you really don't have; and never ever mention your flaws or weaknesses. Don't include features or comments that are unflattering or creepy. If you do have a pet, don't let the pet dominate your profile. You're seeking romance, not for your pet!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2019):
 How do you maintain a positive attitude?
By improving yourself. BECOME someone YOU'd want to date (so to speak). Get out of the house and socialize. Doesn't mean go to bars and drink, but hobbies, sports, etc.
Join meetup groups. Not for finding a GF but for getting better at socializing. If you have a friend who is game to go with you, even better.
Dating sites might not work for you. Though it's ONLY been a month and a half. Still early days.
If I were you I'd look to go over your own profile and fine-tuning it. If you contact girls and they don't reply it might mean your profile is not "selling you" well enough. Not that you should make up stuff to sound interesting, that won't work either but you might need to rework your profile. Include better pictures of yourself. Make your info upbeat and positive.
And if you DO take VERY long to decide if you want to date someone maybe.. she felt friend-zoned before you GOT friend-zoned.
The whole POINT about dating is to take the time getting to KNOW another person THROUGH dates, spending time together. So if you TRY and be friends first... it might just STOP there.
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