A
female
age
26-29,
*onelygirl123
writes:My partner of two and a half years is severely depressed and struggling with day to day things. Our relationship is on its last legs, we're holding on to memories through this difficult stage. He is irritable and angry all the time and takes it out on me which i would rather him do than take it out on his parents or family. His work is very demanding and recently been making him do 14+ hour shifts due to the demand in his workplace; making him exhausted and unable to do things for me and our relationship. We have no time for each other and it hurts me, i promised him when he admitted he was depressed that I would stick by him and look after him and give him anything he needed but I'm really struggling at the moment. He's already admitted he will not go and get help because he wants to 'get better by himself' Am I stupid for sticking by him and being strong for the both of us to get him through this? He is the love of my life but I need looking after too , but I feel selfish for thinking this way. Help!
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (26 July 2016):
 OP, I'm in the exact same boat. My boyfriend struggles with depression because of an abusive childhood and sexual abuse as a teenager. He is low on a daily basis and I can't pick him up. We are coasting, not thriving in our relationship and, like you, my boyfriend needs help.
My boyfriend is looking for help and your boyfriend should too; if he doesn't, you'll be dragged down with him. Tell him that you need him to get on the waiting list for therapy now and attend when he's given the chance, or you will have to break up because it's affecting your mental health.
Stick to it; there's no point letting yourself drown to save someone else from drowning, when they refuse to swim.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 July 2016):
 I think the chances of him overcoming depression by himself are close to zero. It sounds like you've already done a lot for him to try and help him, but if he refuses to seek the help that he needs then I think you're fighting a losing battle, it's not selfish at all, you have your own needs to look after and it's not okay of him to expect you to just stick by and deal with it.
Does his family know he's going through this? I think it may be a good idea to mention it to his parents so they can encourage him to seek help also because it's really not wise to keep this bottled up.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (26 July 2016):
 You are not stupid sticking with him, but you need to realise that you can't fix him. He needs coping mechanisms to deal with depression. He needs professional help. In UK there can be a couple of months waiting time to get help so seek it now.
In the meantime look after yourself. It isn't wrong to share the problem with others. Don't hide depression. It doesn't have the stigma that it once had. It is a real illness and it takes the lives of so many young and middle aged men.
You can start with your GP or the local community mental health team. If he admits that he is ill and needs help then that is a major hurdle overcome. You can't read or think your way out of depression. He needs help.
I applaud your bravery, strength and commitment. He is lucky to have you.
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