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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for nearly seven months and I feel very insecure about the relationship. I spoke to him recently and told him that I didn't feel desired like I ought to and that he has become very complacent about the relationship. I make a lot of effort with him but I feel like he is with me because it's convenient. He knows that I'm not afraid to split up with him (even though I am) but I can't help thinking that it's 2am, I took two days off work to be with him for Valentines day and here I am sat alone in bed crying. This is not healthy. How do you know when you're not being paranoid, when you rationalise the little things that hurt so much and make yourself believe that it isn't on purpose or that you're overreacting? Please help.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 February 2006):
 There is an old saying; just because you are paranoid doesn't they are not out to get you. I wonder if that applies here. Obviously I would say that your unhappiness has some grounds in reality. If you feel so unappreciated it is good that you took the first step in talking to him about it. What has his response been?
On one level it is hard to answer your question because you dont give any concrete examples of why you feel unaapreciated, the sort of things he does or rather doesn't do. Why are you alone in bed at 2am?
My best advice without that information is to see how he responds to what you said. See if there is an improvement in his behaviour. If there isn't then you may have to consider ending the relationship no matter how hard that is because carrying on being this unhappy is not good. Take care. Hope that helps.
A
female
reader, charlie432 +, writes (14 February 2006):
you need to sit down and have a chat with him, men don't like to admit when things are wrong "if it aint broke, don't fix it" attitudes with most of them (sorry guys, you know it's true!). You need to make him see how upset you are, sounds like you could even be depressed. BUT you need to make yourself feel better too, if you keep relying on other people to boost your confidence then that means they can take it away again (and trust me it's easier to lose than it is to gain it), try buying some new make up (always makes me feel better!!), new clothes, maybe even a new lifestyle! go out with your mates have a laugh, and live life to the full. Hope I've helped honey and things go well, Charlie x (PS: eat bananas, they have the same "feel good" chemical chocolate does, and it's much better for you!!)
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