A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Recently my boyfriend has mentioned me moving in with him, he wants me to and when he mentioned it I didn't think 'no it's too soon' or 'wow you're moving too fast' however I've mentioned it to a couple of friends and these were there responses. "No it's way too soon for that, you' we only been together 2 years""I wouldn't let you move in with him, it's too soon and you never know what could happen. No way are you moving out and in with him""I don't think its the right time yet, you have only been together almost 2 years"I really don't know what to do. I feel fine about it, however I feel like if I do my friends will judge me in a way. How do you know when it's the right time to move in with your partner? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2015): OK. I had my 17 year old girlfriend move in with me when I was 18. We had fun at first, but after 5 months or so, we started to behave like our parents. Did groceries, got home at 5 and did not go out. And what if one of you wanted to go out alone? With someone else?
I am 46 now, and looking back, NOT living together, expecting each visit, planning the dates WAS the best times. I would hold off moving together for as long as reasonable.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 I met my first BF at 19 - we dated for 6 months before we became intimate. I'd say we felt we knew each other quite a bit by them and 3 months later.. I moved into his apartment. And it worked out pretty well for 3 1/2 years.
It was some pretty darn good years, honestly.
If you WANT to try this, if you two think you can handle it financially, I don't see the point of waiting. Of you on the other hand DON'T feel ready, then don't do it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 February 2015):
 I suggest that the two of you move in together the day that you get married...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): I'm going to disagree that you wait until after marriage to live with someone. It's just not the norm these days and I would advocate ALWAYS living together before marriage, otherwise you do not truly know what the person is like and many issues can emerge.I met my now husband when we were 16. We moved in together at 18, bought a house at 22 and wed at 23. We're 26 now and still loving life together, despite it not always being easy. It's bloody hard when you're 18 and you learn about managing a home and there is so much you don't realise you need to budget for and think of. But I am fortunate to have a wonderful man who never expected me to be his second mum, and that is an issue friends have had. If you go for it, you set clear ground rules. It sounds mad but it will save any arguments. Not romantic to schedule a rota for cleaning etc...but if you're both going to be working then everything gets split 50/50; that's the bills, the cleaning, food, cooking.... You have to agree on times you'll have friends over until and if there are nights of the week you won't be having people round. If you're the first of your friends to get a place they will all assume they can crash over yours. While it's brilliant having friends over to enjoy your new space, you have to set limits with each other so you have your alone time, just to relax.I had friends who rushed to live with their then partners because they saw us with our place. Most failed miserably as one would expect the other to do the things they didn't like doing, like cleaning a loo, laundry, washing up - they just expected to be cared for like their parents did for them when in reality that's not going to happen. So some split because of those issues, some couldn't budget their money and ended up completely skint as they would cover their partners half of things, which breeds resentment between each other. You need to know you have a future with each other, so whilst you might not be asking for a marriage proposal you need to talk about whether you see marrying each other, you both have the same ideas on having children etc... I wouldn't advise going for this if you have any issues about each other, you're too young to get bogged down if there has been any cheating, or suspicions. Also, don't be blind with love - if either of you can't save money very well then it's probably too soon - if you run out of cash each month without a home to run then you'll be doomed once you do. Do you both have jobs that pay enough? Do either of you intend to study in the future? You have to think so much through. Whilst I have been lucky, and worked hard too, some people find it easier to make the first move out on their own. Rent a room in a house with friends, learn what you're like to live with when it's your friends - and him too he might be better spent renting a room for a few months. If you can both handle that, then living together might be that little bit easier.Only you and him know your relationship well enough to know whether this is worth a try. Your friends, whilst good to you, do not know your relationship. We had friends think we were foolish moving out, how we'd never have any money or last. Luckily our families were both supportive, we are both independent people and they were proud to see us do well and fly the nest. We knew we would get married from when we were 17, but due to nowadays people assume you for have a clue (quite rightly really, lots of 17,18,19...year olds have no idea what they want!) we didn't shout about it we just waited. When you know you're with someone forever, there is no rush to do anything.That's worth remembering, if you're not ready now it doesn't matter. If you're both meant to be together you have all of your lives to spend together. There isn't a rush. Do what's right for both of you at this time.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 If you' feel fine about it, then do it.
Tell your friends to mind their own business. They're not friends of yours if they constantly undermine your decisions and tell you the things you want to do are a bad idea, as if THEY know what is best. They don't. Only YOU know what is best for YOU.
If your friends judge you, then they are not your friends.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (24 February 2015):
 I am going to take a slightly different angle to the other Aunts.
We don't know how old you are exactly (between 18-21), and we also do not know anything about your background or CURRENT living situation. These do have an importance to how soon you should move in with someone.
Are you at University? Do you want to go? Have you lived on your own before? Has your boyfriend lived on his own, or does he still live at home? How old is your boyfriend?
The reason I ask, is because living away from home can be a massive culture shock. Firstly there are soooo many things which you do not appreciate about running a home, all those little things which parents do, that you just don't realise until you have to do them yourself.
Secondly, living with a partner can be a REAL eyeopener to their behaviour and attitudes. And it can be a massive shock that suddenly you will be faced with looking after yourself, but also after him. If he is still 18-21 too, you can almost guarantee that he will not live in a grown up fashion.
Living with someone is NOT all fairy tales and rose coloured glasses. The reality is far more mundane and you soon realise how selfish other people can be. Sadly, a lot of men (not all, but a lot) are quite lazy, and replace their mother, with a girlfriend/wife to run about after them. If you do move in, be prepared to do far more around the house than he does.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2015): What will be left for after marriage if you already live together. That is my personal opinion. May be old fashioned but there you are.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Here's when long term plans come into place. What are your goals in the next 5, 10 years? Do you see yourself getting married and have kids? Is living together a preparation for this or are you just living day to day? I don't think 2 years is too soon. If you care about your friends' opinion and you have to ask people online of different ages for alternative opinions that means you haven't given it much thought. Living together increases the chances of getting pregnant you have to look at it more carefully than roommates who are trying to split the rent. 2 years is a lot of time to get to know your partner but if you have not discussed long term plans then it is too soon. Are your friends in relationships too, if not what do they know? If you ask your parents, being old fashioned they would probably want a serious commitment from your boyfriend. As they think if a woman lives with a man without marriage it only benefits him but not her.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (24 February 2015):
 Honestly...The best time is after marriage. I know it's not what you wanted to hear. But come visit me, and come live with me, are two completely different things.
Living with someone with a completely different living style than your own is a lot harder than you think. When you visit someone, you see some good and bad things...but it's not really a concern because you leave and go home. When you live with them day after day...not so easy to brush thinks off.
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