A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:hi i have seperated from my husband of 18 years 10 months ago. I have a 10 and 14yr old girl. My question is "how do you know if you have done the right thing by telling him to leave?" He is a very selfish man, when we first married I was the one making more money, with the company car, luxury paid holidays etc...I never made a point of this during our first 10 years, and even though we did not have children then, and we worked the same hours I did all the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc on the Saturday while he went out to have long lunch with his co-workers. Like an idiot I never really complained. The children came, his business started to become more and more profitable as the years progressed but so did his attitude. He didnt enjoy being with the children, it was just to hard for him, he began playing the guitar, taking lessons, started surfing, bought a Harley, sports car and whenever it suited, weather wise etc he was off. The last couple of years, after I have tried to explain that this is not on, he withdraws into the music room and plays for hours. He is not communicator and the more I complained he started to become verbally abusive, a side I never before saw in him. His father and brother both are like that very successful in the business world but are very rude, vulgar,chauvanistic and darn right mean people. I literally kicked him out because I could not take the swearing, the silence treatments the yelling the constant put downs. It has been almost 1 year he does not talk still, very angry, and sends messages via e-mail.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 July 2009):
 Ask yourself this:
Are you happier with or without him?
From what you describe it is not hard to tell that you don't love the man he is today. People do grow and do change, some gradually some slowly. My bet is that over the 18 years you have spend together more and more of who he really is have come out.
He seems like he has retreated away from the family. Maybe he have felt that you didn't think he was a good father, maybe he himself felt he wasn't any good at it. Men give up on stuff they feel they are loosing or going to loose at. Because who wants to be a loser?
Honestly, it seems like you are better off without him.
Does the girls have contact with him at all?
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