A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I certainly didn't mean for this to happen. I have been with this woman for 3 years and we live together. About 2 months ago I had a chance meeting with this woman I will call J. Literally, it was chance. I was sitting on this bench reading. Every Monday and Wednesday I am there sitting in the same spot. It is a bench at this recreation center where I have to take one of my disabled students for therapy. In the center is a gym. She is a member at the gym. So, there I sit. One day her bag was right next to me under the bench. So, she got her back, we met eyes, and it was instant. We made small talk and realized we know both know some of the same people. I continued to see her every week. I, sitting reading, she works out, then we have conversation. The conversation is so easy. Often we converse for up to an hour until she cuts it off because she has to get her kids. She is widowed. I feel such a connection to her. It is like it is meant to be. She is so easy to just hang out with. Also, she is beautiful- I find everything about her beautiful. I don't know how this can be when I have been in a relationship that really has nothing wrong with it. I don't want to end up marrying my girlfriend out of convenience because if she was the one, I couldn't possibly feel this way about this other woman, right? I don't want to miss my chance of being with someone who might really be "the one". How do you know if she's the one? Because right now, I feel like the woman from the gym is the one, but I am in a position where I can't do anything about it.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2010): I saw her tonight again. God, we laughed and again found ourselves finishing eachother's sentences.It just gets better every time I see her. I found myself wanting to ask her out, but once again, she said goodbye too soon. I have her on my mind constantly. Shit, I just want to know. I want to know her at another level. Everything she says and does--we are connected. We think the same, finish eachother's sentences, laugh at the same odd things... what?? It can't be a coincidence. I found myself wanting to go home with her....forever,
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): how do you know that three year from today you shall find anothe " The One" seach yourself well before you make any decision
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): If you have been in a long term relationship that has little to no problems, consider it a blessing. However, I do see a problem. You may have grown too comfortable and bored of your current relationship. Please don't call this woman you barely know "the one". You are infatuated because you're bored and want something new.
By all means, get to know her, but don't cheat. However, for all the time you spend getting to know her, spend just as much time, if not more, getting to know your girlfriend even better. Ask your lady questions that are not superficial, as this will increase intimacy. Do new things together that require teamwork, as this will change things up and form a better bond between you two.
You may rediscover the inner beauty in your girlfriend, and suddenly realize, "Hey, I had it pretty good to begin with! All I had to do was look harder and change things up!"
Don't do anything foolish. Don't cheat, keep it casual, and gather information. If you still feel like she is "the one", break it off with your current girlfriend and date her. Be ready for the big questions. Will the kids accept you? Will she have emotional baggage from her late husband? Will she pressure you to marry her to help with the hassles of raising kids? Are you okay with having an instant family? How are your finances for these kids?
My advice: Ignite the spark with your current girl first. Make her the priority and realize that you have a stable relationship. If you have lost the love for her, however, then I suppose you should move on, in a respectful manner, to your crush.
Be wise, and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): I think that you've met the one. If your current girlfriend was the one, you would definitely not have any interest in the girl at the gym. I think you should listen to your heart and go with what your gut tells ya!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2010): From experience, I am sorry that the only answer I can give you is that, when it's the one, it's the one. "You just know". It isn't about convenience and you know that your choice to be with them is not because it is "easy", sensible, rational, whathaveyou. It is just obvious.
-Tante Victoire
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