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How do you handle when your partner, who promises you the world and to never leave, breaks their promise?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 December 2010) 7 Answers - (Newest, 11 December 2010)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

How do you handle when your boyfriend/girlfriend who promises you the world and to never leave, breaks their promise? Its hard for me to accept that someone who loves you would walk out on you like that. How do you cope? Moving on or staying and risk them walking out on you again?

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A male reader, Illithid United States +, writes (11 December 2010):

Illithid agony auntMy fiancée, a woman I had loved with all my heart and soul for over three years, who I had been talking about marriage, home, kids, future with that whole time, who showed my such devotion and remarkably strong love for so long, upped and left me without warning or discussion one night last year.

It's hard, it's agony, it throws off your faith in yourself and in people in general. But anyone that would leave so abruptly without talking things through, without getting help, without concern for your mental health, isn't the boyfriend for you anyway. In my case, even in the hurt, I was at least glad it happened before we got married or had kids to worry about, picked myself up, and took myself to some friends to drown my sorrow with people that still loved me.

And you know what? The ex-fiancée is a fading memory, but my friends still love me, and I've come to love myself again too. If anything, I feel sorry for my ex now. She doesn't know what she gave up!

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (11 December 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntWhen the trust isn't there, consider the relationship doomed. Trust is a major key in a working, healthy relationship. Also, if he makes promises that he can't keep..then his word doesn't mean squat. When that happens it's time to cut ties on this relationship.

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A female reader, KarlaMarie United Kingdom +, writes (11 December 2010):

KarlaMarie agony auntHey!

When someone promises you things, someone you really truely love... its heart breaking to loose that person..

i used to give my all in a relationship but from past relationships i have learnt only give as much that is needed, love the person but dnt give them everything you have got... cause when its over you feel even more empty because you have given them your all in a relationship..

rite now you are most likely hurting more than anything and looseing someone you love means.. new life.. new rotean.. and moving on.. it can take months even years to get over something that has involed true love... but it is possible.. anything is possible and you WILL be alright.

i was with my boyfriend for 4 years ... he promised me the world.. and i truley loved him.... he then told me he was gay??.. u can imagin how heart brocken and betrayed i felt... and it hurt more than anything..

the way i moved on .. was to concentrate on my dreams and focus on what makes me happy. dont look back and regret the realationship even though it ended in heartbrake but look back and learn from what has happened.. accept the fact you need to move on and work on the fact that , its you that needs to be happy rite now...

cry as much as you can.. write it all down... give yourself time to heal and remember this will make you strong... and prepare you for whatever is ahead.

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A female reader, DanceInTheDark Canada +, writes (11 December 2010):

DanceInTheDark agony auntperhaps if you told us why he walked out, it'd be easier for us to understand.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (11 December 2010):

janniepeg agony auntGuys do have a bad habit of vanishing out of the blue, so if you are the more expressive one then do a relationship check-in once in a while, see where you stand, correct misunderstandings. Guys are in a perpetual state of non readiness in committing. Eliminate reasons for him to back out like not talking about marriage, giving more private time for yourself and friends, show him that you are just like him, just trying to see if things would work out rather than demanding a committment. Tell him that no one is perfect, that you have no problems with his weaknesses, inconsistencies, sometimes miscommunications, but you do have a problem with him just giving up totally when he's not 110% sure that a long term relationship would work out. It's okay to be unsure about a relationship, but to regret after a decision has been made it's already too late when the damage has been done. Tell him exactly how you feel. For example if my boyfriend does that to me it makes me feel like I am a car and he's just shopping for better models and any day he would replace me with a better car. I also feel like he's trashing me into the garbage chute and then all of a sudden I am something of value again, and see how confusing that could be. Tell him you don't dip in and out of relationships like that, you don't operate like that. A guy who does this is flip flopping and inconsiderate.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010):

He always told me breaking up wasn't an option, and promised he would always be there, and then today walked out on us. We did talk later on, but I feel like I can no longer trust him or his promises.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2010):

I would need to understand more the details of your situation. I doesn't seem to me right now with what you've written than your love has truly left, if you've the option of staying.

-T.V.

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