A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for a few months. He recently told me that he lost that magically spark for me. He is still in love with me but, he just misses the way things used to be when we first met.Is there anyway to get that spark back? and, if so, how?
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female
reader, junebug +, writes (19 August 2008):
i have to agree with inyourdreams i was the same way with my b/f and we been 2gether for a lil over 3 years and we are as happy as ever.best friends,great sex everyday,live together, u name it we got it. Yea ur gonna fight here or there but yall will still love each other.as for the other respones i personaly think u should not even read thoses if u lose the sparkle and u guys still love each other just means ur on a higher level. U got to know each other better.that means u dont get all scared and nervous around him.ya get what i mean?dont worry. Xoxojunebugxoxo
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008): What does he mean by "lost the spark"? Is it because he no longer gets that "butterfly in the stomach" rush? If so, it may be that the "honeymoon phase" is over. You know, you no longer produce dopamine, and you're settling down, producing other hormones that cause attachment. You become more used to each other, you no longer get that rush (you really miss it!), but you start developing a deeper connection, rather than one based on excitement. This happened to me after being with my boyfriend for 4 months, and now we're celebrating our second anniversary next week. We still enjoy sex, and we enjoy each other's comapny a lot; we know each other deeply, make each other laugh all the time, share a lot of interests, we're still affectionate to each other and we rely on each other if we have problems, etc. We feel very close to each other, yet that "magical" saprk from the beginning is gone, but it's been replaced by a lasting bond. Of course there are times every now and then of excitement, but it's temporary. Nonetheless, this relaionship is very fulfilling and I can't see myself with anyone else (and he says the same).
Now, if he feels bored when he's with you, if he's unsure about the future with you, if he isn't certain about what he feels for you, beware... maybe the initial "spark" was just a spark, maybe it was just attraction, maybe it felt a lot like love, but it wasn't real love. usually after this stage passes is when people know whether it's real love or it was just attraction, and thus, if the relationship can go on seriously or if it isn't meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 August 2008):
Well I'll do the bad news first.... if the spark has gone after just a few months then your relationship must be pretty fragile. Most people at least manage to hit a year. Are you sure this hasn't just come to it's natural end?
Good News now and ways to re-add spark:
See each other less - you'll rediscover who you were before he met you and that is who he fell for. Plus he'll only see you when you are done up and gorgeous, not sitting in his house in pajamas. And visa versa of course.
Do romantic things - flirt with him. When was the last time you both got really dressed up and went out on a romantic date? Or had a candle lit meal at home?
Hide little notes in his room / bag and tell him something you love about him / what you will do to him once he has found your note.
Think romantically, what was it that you used to do that he fell for?
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (18 August 2008):
 A few months is rather a short time to have lost the spark, if you had of said a few years then i would have understood a little better. Why don't you try some role play, arrange to meet where you met for the first time, and really act it out like it is your first date, and do the things you did those few months ago. After that arrange some fun things to do together that you both enjoy and see if this puts the spark back.
Hope it goes well x
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