A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:To start things off, I'm 19, turning 20 in March. My boyfriend is 22, and we've been together for 7 months. Lately, I've become unsatisfied with the most basic and essential things in our relationship. I've discovered though, that most of these things are my fault.I'm very, very insecure. You could point to any part on my body and I could instantly tell you something I don't like about it. I can easily point out my flaws in my personality, which is also a self-esteem issue. I'm also very absurdly aware of how other people feel. I avoid saying anything to upset people, even when I know its necessary. I sugar coat things, or turn them into jokes, so I have a lot of things in my head left unsaid. It also causes me to sound very unsure about what I'm saying when I'm trying to be serious, which makes me sound like an idiot. It's just a nasty habit that I'm trying to overcome. To put it plainly, I care about what people think about me. I know it's stupid, and I constantly try to convince myself no one cares, and sometimes it works for a couple of days, but I just don't feel comfortable if I just let it all go.Because of all those things, I'm very bad at communicating with my boyfriend. He's the typical guy, and doesn't talk about his feelings much. The thing is, even though I recognize this, I need him to tell me how he feels or I start becoming insecure about tiny things in our relationship. The only problem is, I have the hardest time having serious conversations with him. It's stupid and makes me feel like our relationship is childish if I can't even talk to my boyfriend of 7 months, and needless to say, I get discouraged very easily about it.And it's not like we don't talk at all period. We just don't talk about the serious stuff, like sex, or what we think about our relationship. We don't really get too deep into anything personal, which was fine at first, but at 7 months it's not right.How can I learn to open up and just talk to him on my own? He's insecure himself, and I suspect he's still shy of telling me things, so I'm not relying on him to coax me into talking. It isn't realistic. I'm hoping that if I can get over my fears of communicating how I feel, then he will too.Is there an easy way to just start practicing? I usually mentally prep myself to bring up something about our relationship to talk about before I see him, but for some reason it always falls through.Is there any type of exercise I could do?I know this is all sounds mundane and generic, but for me it's a lot harder to "just sit down and talk" with anyone at all, let alone my boyfriend.
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insecure, period, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): id also like to just wish you the best of luck!!!! i know how tough it is, but if you follow through with this youll start to see some huge positive changes!! : )
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): you definitely have low self esteem, but dont worry, alot of people do! it has to do with certain ways of being you probably learned as a child, and now its causing you pain in life, i have exactly the same problems you do, so its definitely worth looking up the book the previous poster suggested. just remember a book can only show you the way but you have to walk the path! easier said than done, but its definitely possible to change for the better if you can work hard enough.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I highly recommend this book, by one of the best psychologists specialising in this:
http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Chain-Self-Esteem-Marilyn-Sorensen/dp/0966431502
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