A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 10 months and I split up about a month ago. I'm ashamed to say I was the crazy ex-girlfriend. I sent him about 8 messages a week for like 5 weeks. I couldn't get over it. Some of them were really unfair. Some were saying how much I had loved him and I couldn't understand how he had let me go so easily. Some were way over the top. I feel terrible, it's just that I messed it up so bad there's nothing more I can say to him to apologize. And apparently I'm crazy. I don't like alienating people, but I don't blame him for never wanting to see me again. I mean, I feel like such a freak! Who does that? Why couldn't I just drop it? Anyway, I'm just wondering what to do. How do you get over being the crazy ex-girlfriend? And how do you make sure not to do it in the future?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2010): You're not crazy, everything you are feeling is normal and is totally valid. Break-ups are never easy and they can make you feel, say and do things that may be out of character. Our emotions sometimes get the better of us, and when we realize and acknowledge that, just as you have, we have to take a deep breath and figure out where it's coming from. I too am guilty of leaving multiple messages on my bf's vm when he has ignored me or if we've gotten into an argument, and my messages were not always pleasant. I even seeked professional help to confirm whether I was crazy or not which turned out to be negative. My doctor's analysis stated my thought process was totally normal. But I had to learn to understand, accept and control those awful feelings and decide how to react to them, his advice was to take a deep breath and count to ten before I react. I have to say, it has helped and you'll find the negative feelings become exhausting and emotionally draining if you give into them, therefore not worth it. Try not to be so hard on yourself, give your ex his time and space. If he was really your friend, he will understand your actions came from a place of hurt and sadness. In the meantime, work on yourself and keep busy. There's too much life and fun to experience!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 August 2010):
 First of all, yeah, you kinda lost your head a bit. It's happened to thousands of people who've gone through heartache, especially if you were the one getting dumped. Yes, unfortunately, you most likely killed any chance of reconciliation with the guy.
You're not a freak. The fact that you recognize that your behavior was "over the top" and are looking to change is proof of that. Luckily, the solution is easier than you think.
You need to do a 180 by doing two things:
1. You need to immediately change your outward reaction to what happened to you. Up until now, your emotions have been running you, and you've been giving into being out of control. Regain that emotional and mental control, and outwardly react with all the restraint and class you can muster. That means no more checking up on him, tracking his profiles online, and visiting places where he and/or his friends hang out. In short, you must now act as if he does not exist. That will not be easy to do, but you will get your revenge (or closure, if that's your aim) by showing the world, your friends and loved ones that nothing he can do to you can shake you up. You are stronger than anything he can do to you, and you do not NEED this guy to complete you.
2. You need to re-channel your emotions into something much more positive than pining for him and beating yourself up for the undignified way you handled the breakup. How you do it is up to you, but I would suggest putting away the mementos of your old relationship together for starters. If you have a journal or blog, there's a start. If you have any hobbies or like to exercise or do sports or hobbies, that will cleanse the hurt away with time and dedication, and it will also open your mind to starting a new chapter in your life, whether it involves meeting something new or whether it's a time of self-improvement for you.
What you *must* get out of your mind is that there's a possibility of getting back together. You must move and grow beyond him. He will *really* win if he forever leaves you in an undignified, unhinged, desperately clingy self. You can't let him win. You must grow beyond him, because if you do, the events of your future will be such that you will no longer think of him, nor will you care, but you'll see that he did the best thing for you by exiting your life, because if he hadn't, that thing (or person) that's 10 times better than him wouldn't have come into your life.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (28 August 2010):
I don't know what you did to make him leave? but please know that your feelings are real and ok to feel the way you do! you messed up and now have regrets that you cannot take back so you have to deal w/ that first. you feel guilty and not so good about you that you more so let yourself down and hurt him in the process for no good reason so now you have to live w/ it. and you feel like you need to prove something to him that you are a good person and that you are sorry! and don't want him to find someone who can treat him better lets admitt us woman never did like the fact that someone can treat them better and he could love her more then the person he was with. and that is called rejection, and we don't deal very well with that! so what you need to do is you got to forgive yourself first then you will be able to deal w/ it in a better light. we all make mistakes that wer'e not proud of nor can we take them back but we can admitt to ourselv'es what we done and be honest w/in our minds and move on.... thats when he will see a different you i would make one last attempt to truly tell him you are sorry that you hurt him and you understand if it is over that you just needed to tell him that and that you wont text or call him anymore! and don't call him and he will see that you was sincere and different and all is good! you never know what may happen after that??? but be a lady and get your morrals back and put things into perspective and remember one old true saying treat others how you would want to be treated!!!!
Best wishes!
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