A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you get over a bastard? I fell head over heels in love with someone who treated me wonderfully most of the time. Problem was that he had just (a year ago) got out of a long term serious relationship that had gone bad and was obviously not as over it as he thought he was. Thinking about it now, I bent over backwards to make life easier for him and made so many allowances for him because I honestly felt that I had finally found the right person. I honestly thought this mostly wonderful person was going to be the father of my children. He has screwed me around so much. One day I am the centre of his universe. The next I get the cold shoulder. The next he doesn't bother to text me back, the next I am the centre of his universe again. I go from being the girlfriend to being the friend, to being friends (we actually get on so ridiculously well when we are friends), to be lovers, to being the girlfriend, to being broken up again - this has been over the space of the last three weeks! Now that it is over I have taken a step back and realised how badly he has treated me. Usually a ridiculously strong woman, I have been reduced to putting up with whatever he has been willing to offer me and my nerves and heart are in tatters. I am not going to see him again for two months as he is going home for the holidays and we will not talk during this time. The problem is that dispite the way he has treated me I still love him and think the world of him. He is one of those uniqely brilliant people but is obviously very screwed up.I am actually really depressed and want to become the strong person i usually am again. Any tips on getting over him and regaining a sense of myself?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Hi
After i read your message i couldnt believe it because pretty much the same thing happened to me. I met a bastard like that, who i thought the world of and my God, i'm quite a strong and independant women but when i met him and started to get to know him i changed. I cared about him so much, but he'd tell a lie one after the next, one minute i was his girlfriend the next he would say i'm just a mate. Its actually quite long and messed up but i don't want to bore you to death.
How i got over it? Well..... i cut ties with him for ages. It was flipping hard becasue despite all the bastard things he did to me, i found myself yearning to talk to him, crying over it all most nights, getting kinda depressed over it. I left things on mutual terma, told him we're mates but i need space. That space turned into weeks. I just deleted his number, even though i knew it off by heart, and stopped talking to him. I restrained myself from contacting him. It really is all about you and how strong you are in stopping yourself from contacting that person. Trust me you will feel like you again once you are strong enough to do that. I keot myself busy, met up with friends, worked loads, chilled with my family. I wrote all my thoughts and feelings down in like a diary, that heklped me express it all in words and once i started writing i couldnt stop! Its thearaputic it is :)
After a few months he contacted me to see how i was. I was friendly but not too much, i just kept it sweet and short. I think he thought he still had me hooked, he really did love playing mind games. But i'd gotten over it by then, i felt sorry for him. I didnt bring up the past wiht him or remenisce, just kept it short and not too lengthy. I felt good after that though because i knew i was so over him. Let me know if any of my suggestions help :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): Ahhh, join the club! ;) I became a doormat with my last boyfriend (usually I'm nice, but never a doormat! there is a limit to what I'll put up with--usually). But I was in loooove... I still love him, but realize that it's best for both of us not to be together.I would give yourself a real rest from him. That two month break sounds like a godsend! During that time, go out with friends, go to movies, museums, whatever, take a night-school course, and if you meet other guys during that time, then go out on lots of dates. Buy yourself good chocolate, take long bubble baths, book a massage, think of all the creative ways to being kind to yourself. Living well is the best revenge!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2009): The other way you can look at it is that he's the type who don't get over love very easily. He's still struggling with that loss and how to move on.
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