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male
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anonymous
writes: Hi.When you're in an age gap relationship, how do you bridge the different life-stages dilemma? Say they are still of college age and you graduated a few years ago.You click on every single level possible. The only difference between you is one wakes up and goes off to class, the other wakes up and goes to work.If you're in seperate life stages, does it doom the relationship? How do you move past that? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): I would like to say my (ex)boyfriend and I had a similar situation. I am 19, he is 26 and I thought we had a stable, happy relationship where the age difference was not a problem. Only a few days ago he left me saying he thought we had grown apart but I believe the age difference was the real issue. We only grew apart when he realised he wanted more from life and because I am so young I couldn't offer him what he wanted. He is now at the point where he wants to consider settling down and starting his own family, whereas I am still studying and not ready emotionally or financially for anything more. We never discussed what we wanted from the future or eachother, which ultimately drove us apart. I am still in love with him but that was not enough to keep us together. Despite all this, I do believe relationships with an age gap can work but it is SO important that you let eachother know early on what you plan to do with your lives and work out a compromise. If you care about eachother than age doesn't affect the quality of your relationship, you just need to know what you can give eachother - and if you plan to have children, you need to know that the older person will be willing to wait.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2006): Yes, interesting question. I myself am a 22 year old girl, and have been with my 32 year old boyfriend for 3.5 years. I have no doubt that we will be together for a very long time, but being at different stages of our lives is hard.
He has had a lot happen in his past, and I am only really beginning. Sometimes I feel a little insecure about his past, the fact that he has been engaged before etc. But I know that it's all just a past and everyone has one. He has been through his years of partying and being on the move, I have not. But to be honest, I'm a real home body. We own a house together and that helps a huge amount with where we are at in our lives.
One issue that is difficult though for us is children. I want to wait til I'm closer to 28, and he wants them sooner. But on all of these issues we have to talk them through, see it from both sides, and we always work out a compromise. Its not always easy, but if you love them, then you will make things work.
Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2006): There will always be some sort of problem in any relationship to overcome, put any two people together and by nature we make problems, the problems are healthy the way we deal with them sometimes is not.
What I'm trying to say is that if you can face your problems and talk openly about them with your partner then age gap, life stage, or whatever, nothing will be a problem.
If you are the older person in the relationship then just remember thatyour experiences might let you just dismiss something that your younger partner really has issues over its all about bieng a loving, caring and appreciative person in a relationship with the right person, if they are the right person then you should not have a problem bieng open with them about anything.
Life stages, suggests that you bracket your life off into different parts however it is still just one life, once you start putting yourself into one bracket and your partner into another then it is you who are creating the problem, I am not just talking rubbish, I am in a relationship with 24 years difference and we have our differences but the difference in our ages is a problem that we have never seen, that is not to say that others don't but they are not in our relationship so their opinions actually have no bearing on the situation.
Concentrate on what is actually important in your life and don't get bogged down with all the other rubbish that others outside your relationship fill your head with,
Good luck Me...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2006): He's 26, I'm 33, I worried about it in the beginning but we have been together for 3 yrs now. It helps that he is by nature a homebody and doesn't like partying much. If we do go out, I usually have to persuade him. I have a child by a previous marriage and all in all, he is more naive than I am. I have learned to embrace it. I think in a situation like this, where the woman is older and a lil wiser you just have to give the guy space to grow. Honestly, after the 20's, I don't think 7-10 yrs makes much difference.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2006): Man, if you can figure this one out I will kiss your ass. I am 28 with a 20year old girlfriend. I am trying to find out how to make it work myself. I just want to chill and she can't chill.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): I have been with my bf for 3 months and we are having some problems. he is 15 years older than me. The main thing keeping us together is the physical attraction and I personally find older men much sexier than lads my own age. They also have more experienec and less inhibitions. However, you cannot just base a relationship on sex and having such different lifestyles is hard i.e. his idea of a good night out - a quiet pub in the country side... whereas I prefer staying out all night clubbing in the city. You have to weigh up the pros and cons and right now I really dont know what to do.
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A
female
reader, confused3473  +, writes (15 September 2006):
 My bf is 9 years older then me He has much more of a past than me but I like that he is older and wiser When im out with him he has the confidence to do things that I wouldnt just because he is older and more comfitable with himself. I am a believer in 'I dont like you because of your age, I like you because your you' I think you need this to make it work Spend evenings together, text between classes and on breaks saying what you want to do that evening or weekend or even just to say your having a good day but missing her
Seperate life stages does not doom the relationship The fact that you click on every other level is more than can be said for most other relationships Keep percerving x x x x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): the relationship is doomed if you think it is. if you belive its an issue then it is as you are responsible for half the the relationship and therefore half its course.
I think it shouldnt be an issue based upon status of situation. If you click in every way then go with the flow. Is this more about your insecurity at trying to keep a younger individual interested in someone with a less flexible lifestyle and more realistic attiudes towards every day, if so dont worry about it now worry when the time comes or that time will be the entirity of the relationship!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): I have been in similar situations, it can cause problems particularly when socialising with friends, but I think that if everything else is great it should not hold you back from pursuing this relationship, it is all to rare to find someone you connect with so well. Perhaps you could talk about how you feel with your partner. It depends in what way it is affecting your relationship, for example financially. In the scheme of things in a few years your partner will be finished college and then the problem will disappear!
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