A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can someone treat someone like they are not even a person?I work in a downtown core and have been talking with a man that purchased a coffee sop in the area of my work. We hit it off great and have been talking for a year and a half. We went out a few months ago and thereafter he moved in (very quickly) despite my concerns that it was moving too fast. He was in a car accident shortly thereafter to which I assisted him largely with his appointments and work. I took many responsibilities on for him and constantly helped him out (not financially). One month into the relationship (after living together) he advised that his ex-wife and him had been attempting to work things out a few months ago and she was pregnant. I voiced my concerns and he opposed all concerns advised that I was an instant mom to his 3 year old son and would be at the bbirth of the new child. He asked me to marry him and I agreed. We were speaking on the phone and making plans for the evening and when I arrived home he was gone with most of his possessions and left the key on the table. He failed to provide his share of the rent and has not attempted to talk to me since that time. He just left. I see him regularly at work due to the close distance and everyone seems to think I am a home wrecker as he has reconcilled with his wife and is again living with her. I am so upset by this I have resigned from my job as I can not stand going to work knowing that I will see him; I am sick from my nerves. How does one deal with someone treating you like you were nothing and simply used you for a fling. I did apologize to his wife as I did not know thier history. But I still do not know how to deal with having to face some one that treated me so poorly like i was nothing to them. (I am in my early 30s with no children and simply dream of having a family; he was soo aware of this). Can i ever trust someone again.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2009): I am sorry this happened to you, and yes you can trust someone again, but you have learned a lesson or two from this I am sure.
You did not pay attention to your instincts when he moved in too quickly. You did not have a promise of marriage. He told you he was working out things with his ex wife and that she was pregnant, but you accepted his proposal of marriage? Big red flag missed there.
He really took advantage of you for what sounds like monetary reasons...no rent paid, etc. It happens every day to women who have difficulty realizing that what they thought was a genuine guy is a real con and hey they are good at conning you and keeping you off balance and blaming you and it is hard to see it coming.
Thank your lucky stars that he is his ex wife's problem now and not yours. I would not say she is very lucky at all.
If you feel your confidence in yourself and others is shaken, then I recommend you get some counseling to process all of this. A professional can really help you understand what happened and how to protect yourself a little better in the future.
What a tool he was!
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