A
female
age
30-35,
*ohlala11
writes:I am in my early twenties and I have had two serious relationships before. As I am trying to look for someone and just when I think I have found him, he seems to be a ladies' man, leaving me little to no hope. When your love is not reciprocated, should you stop initiating all contact at all? He often dates around and he doesn't make me feel important. I hate to feel the one needing him and he doesn't need me because he has a woman after another to date every night. It just makes me so sad. Am I inexperienced in keeping a man? I feel awful. How do you even keep a man? How do the other women able to keep him interested? From our dates, I can tell that he was always the one to text these two women asking how their days were. With me, it's rarely the case. It's his prerogative because we're just seeing each other from time to time but I have since developed deeper feelings for him. What should I do?
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female
reader, oohlala11 +, writes (18 November 2012):
oohlala11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, for your kind advice, especially Cerberus, to take time to write such a lengthy post. Thank you, Cerberus.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 November 2012):
 You don't want to keep a ladies' man. Let the man want to keep you. Remember the movie how to lose a guy in ten days? The guy still wins. It shows that when you are with the right guy, you don't have to do much to keep him. It doesn't mean you become Kate Hudson and show off all the annoying traits to test a guy. You have to know that as a woman you have the tools to attract and keep a man. When you develop feelings towards a person, sometimes it can just be attachment, getting used to and finding it hard to let go, rather than true appreciation of who the person is. There is a saying that when you love you follow your heart but until you find the right man you have to use your head and eliminate, eliminate when necessary.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): "When your love is not reciprocated, should you stop initiating all contact at all?"
That's what I do and it works perfectly. No point in chasing a lost cause when there are plenty of other people willing and able to give things a go.
"I hate to feel the one needing him and he doesn't need me because he has a woman after another to date every night. It just makes me so sad."
That's exactly the reason why you don't keep pursuing or wasting your time with a person you can't have. You feel bad and for nothing.
"Am I inexperienced in keeping a man?"
Well the fact you've had two serious relationships tells me not. OP it's not about keeping a man, you cannot "keep" us, we're not an object we're another human and have our own goals, thoughts, needs etc. and you simply can't control how we're going to act or what is going to happen. You can only be you, be good to yourself and guy and see what happens. It doesn't always work out.
"How do the other women able to keep him interested?"
OP they obviously don't if he's dating lots of women including you, I don't see where you get this idea that you're some kind of loser in all this. The guy just likes to keep his options open and maybe just likes another woman over you for reasons completely beyond your control. Your mistake is taking that as a negative reflection on you, it's nothing like that. If a guy is just not into you then that's nothing you can change.
"What should I do?"
Walk away OP. Let me ask you, do you date guys with the intention of feeling this awful and sad? Is that your goal? Then why are you dating a guy when it makes you feel that way? What benefit is there to you? OP you're only wasting your time here, do you want to be a guy's "option" or do you want to be desired, pursued and wooed by a guy you like?
You're not getting anything out of this, you're only seeing this guy sometimes and it's causing you pain. So what's the point?
OP you can't control this guy, you can't make him like you more, you can't make a guy who is only keeping you as an option think of you as something more. Why would he? You're more than happy to play along with his game, so why would he change that?
Most importantly OP dating is about having fun, seeing someone is supposed to be a laugh. If it causes you pain, makes you doubt yourself then it's completely pointless and it's time to move on.
OP don't feel bad, there's nothing wrong with you except for the fact you're wasting your time. The only thing you can control in this situation is whether you stay and endure this pain for nothing or walk away and regain your confidence, find another guy who is only interested in you.
"I hate to feel the one needing him"
Well OP needing someone you're only seeing, that's called being needy, so come on, it's time to walk away, how a person makes feel about yourself is far more important than how you feel about them and having this guy in your life makes you feel really bad about yourself. Cut your losses and move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2012): First of all NEVER EVER put yourself in a situation when you are not the only woman a guy dates. He will go as far as you let him, text other women in front of you, sleeping with whatever moves and you at the same time. You said it yourself, why would he care if he is with you or not if there is another woman behind the corner.Never be with a guy like that. Why would you even want to have a guy like that who tosses women around?Never see a guy from time to time. Guys just love having several women around to have free and easy sex. I knew a guy who when he felt like getting laid that night would start calling all his "friends" may be someone will agree to play that night.You are risking your emotional wellbeing by having guys that type in your life. I just encountered a guy that came up to me in a bar. After few minutes of conversation and few cheesy compliments , he said that all his money go to his kids and he can just offer me great sex. I just started laughing. How dare you come up to a woman with a proposition like that to become his free hooker. I told him if he doesn't stop talking to me I ll call security. You have to set your grounds and then stand them. Don't let men treat you how they want to, only accept the treatment you need, don't cater to them, agreeing meeting them from time to time, or letting them text in front of u other women. That's disrespectfull to you.Don't try to keep anyone, it's a hopeless thing to do. If they want to be kept, they will stick around!
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