A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm out of resources. Out of hope.A long time ago I fell in love with a man who fell in love with me. Things were never perfect but it was "forever" or so I thought. Life got in the way. We were young and didn't have control over things. He got laid off and ended up moving. We tried to keep things together but it was too hard and my family wouldn't let me move to be near him. Looking back I should have went anyway, they would have gotten over it.It's been over a decade. I can't believe it's been that long. We talk from time to time, mostly just through email. He's married now and so am I.I love him. I've always loved him. I don't think that's going to go away. I pray desperately for it to go away but it doesn't. I feel guilty but that only makes it worse. It hurts so badly and I just live with this secret. I can't tell anyone, can't talk to my husband about it, certainly can't tell him. It shouldn't be this way. I should have moved on. I tried to move on but I'm beginning to fear, to genuinely fear that I will take these feelings with me to the grave. I would rather die than feel like this for another 10 years. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make this right. I can't be with him, I can't stop loving him. All I can do is settle and live with it.I feel like something precious died and I feel like if anyone found out how I felt I'd simply be persecuted for it. There's nothing I can is there? Short of building a time machine and making a better decision way back when, there's NOTHING I can do... I will live with this pain forever won't I? I'm not interested in hearing how you think I'm an awful person. I already think I'm an awful person. I just need to know how those of you who live with what I live with... live.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (5 March 2009):
 I don't think your an awful person. Not even one little bit. I think your predicament sounds like absolute torture and I am so sorry you are living with that.
I wonder how the man you so desperately love feels?
Does he feel the same way?
If he does feel the same, then a part of me would say 'go for it' Break apart what you have with others and make a new life together. That said, I also know the heart is a strange thing and nothing in life is certain. What you crave now, you may not crave in a few years time. We all change as we grow older.
If this man has a happy life with someone else, then you may have to admit defeat. However painful and difficult that may be, it can be done.
I feel you have to have someone close to you who you can confide in. A close friend or a relative. Someone you can trust and go to when your feeling really bad about this.
Life is not fair and we all have to live with the mistakes of the past. Some things can never be changed and others can be over come.
I myself have had unrequieted love for a man for the last couple of years. The only way I could cope with the bad feelings was to cut all ties. It was hell in the beginning as every part of me craved his time and attention, but the more distance and time between us, the less power the feelings had over me.
I know you probably dont want to hear this but if you never let go of the past, you will just live in misery and will never be able to face the hopes of the future.
God Bless you sweetheart and I hope you find a way through
Aunty Em xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2009): Sweetheart I know exactly what you are going through. I have been going through this for the last 12 years of my life. I think you need to really really think about what you want and if it is him then you do need to tell him. Because if you two were meant to be together then you SHOULD be together. You cant live the rest of your life like this, hurting like this. I know, its a pain and/or feeling like no other. And if he tells you that he is not in the same place as you then maybe you can start to rebuild. It sounds like you never got any closure from this, like things were just left up in the air. I wish you the best of luck and I know you can get through this!
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