A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'd love some advice from girls and guys about how to broach the "what is this relationship" question. I've been with my new guy for 2 months...he contacts me every day, we hang out whenever we can, go on dates, and have been sleeping together 2 weeks. He tells me he adores me, thinks I'm awesome and would get on with his friends and family, and he's asked me to join him on lots of activities over the next couple of months. He has told me he's not the kind of guy to share himself/or girls with others. So he's my third proper boyfriend, and I've been in 2 previous relationships, both of which lasted years (2 years and 8 years), with some short term fun in between, and in both previous proper relationships, the guys asked me if they could call me their girlfriend after a few weeks. I'm really enjoying this new relationship, but I would like to know what he's thinking-whether he thinks of me as a girlfriend yet, whether he thinks he wants a longer term relationship, or whether he is viewing whatever this thing between us is as a fling or FWB situation, but at the same time, I don't want to freak him out or spoil what we have by having this conversation. Part of me wonders if I should just wait and see what happens over time, but then part of me thinks I don't want to risk getting attached to someone who doesn't see me as a longer-term thing. If he does see me as a fling, that's ok, I'd just like to know either way.Are there indirect ways to work out how he views our relationship? Would having this conversation be a bad idea? If not, how do I broach it? Thanks. x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 There's no indirect or nonchalant way to ask "what are we?". You just have to come out right with it. It's best to know now, it's been 2 months and he seems to be into you..you don't want to not mention it and fall into that gray undefined area...no rules or obligations, so you don't know if you're allowed to date others, or vice versa. Since you haven't broached the subject, wait till you guys are out on a date or just hanging out in general. Make sure it's face to face, phone calls and texts won't do...Bring it up rather nonchalant, just ask what is your guys status? Are you boyfriend/girlfriend, are you dating exclusively taking the time to get to know one another before claiming the relationship status, or are you guys just casually dating to see where this goes? You don't want to come across as trying to be pushy, but just let him know you're rather confused and need him to clarify. Don't worry guys often do this all the time, because they forgot to mention hey we're boyfriend/girlfriend, they don't want to seem pushy either, and they don't know if we want the same. No one is a mind reader, just ask!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): I don’t understand why you’re thinking he’s the one who is going to make the decision about the relationship you are both in. Why can’t you be the one to say what you want? Not by labelling what you two have together, but just by starting a conversation with, ‘I really like you and I want you around more.’
There’s no such thing as a bad question only an unasked one and ‘talking’ is always the right thing to do if you are unsure. Indirect ways will just leave you confused and are never certain.
He sounds like a guy who is into you; I don’t think you bringing up a relationship question is going to scare him off. And if it does then you have your answer either way.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 No its been two months and you seem to be on the right track and it sounds fun so i dont think it is to soon to ask him where you stand, maybe just casually drop it in some conversation but dont make a huge deal of it, just maybe ask him some time is it ok for you to call him your boyfriend yet or does he feel that it is to soon? Start it off with that and his answer should tell you all you need to know, good luck.
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