A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm not sure what to make of my new bf's sexual technique, and I'd love some comments about why he doesn't ejaculate from any female and esp. male readers, please. We've been together 2 months, sleeping together for a couple of weeks. He's an amazing guy, kind, interesting, intelligent, gorgeous, thoughtful and the most amazing kisser:) When we have sex, we kinda kiss a lot, undress each other, and there's a short amount of foreplay before we have intercourse, which is good for me. He has more stamina than anyone I've ever slept with before, and the thing that confuses me is we have intercourse for a long time, lots of positions, etc etc, but he never ejaculates-I don't get it! I'm on the pill, and we don't use condoms as we're both STI-clear.Last night, I think he was really close to ejaculating, because he suddenly kinda stopped me, squeezed the head of his penis, and said we better stop else he'd make a mess, and then he ran to the bathroom...he was still hard when he came back, but we just kinda held each other, kissed and fell asleep. This morning, similar thing happened. I'm wondering if he thinks he is trying to use the pull out method of contraception (I know this doesn't work, and am on the pill, but I don't think he remembers me telling him I'm on the pill?) but wonder if there is any other explanation for him stopping before he ejaculates?? I'm guessing his stamina might be to do with lots of previous masturbation/porn, and am thinking of concentrating on foreplay for him next time. I'd love some advice on why you think he does not let himself ejaculate, and whether I should talk to him about this? I'm not sure how much a guy can enjoy sex if he doesn't actually orgasm? Thanks :)
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female
reader, 2311  +, writes (20 August 2012):
I know this was posted a couple of years ago. But i have just started a relationship with a lad i have known for 9 years. We had sex 5 years ago but he didnt ejaculate then either. We have had sex a few times recently and he has never ejaculated. he always stops himself by holding the stem of his penis. I have asked him about it and he also said it gets messy. I told him that women like to know that they can achieve the end result just as much as a man wants to please a women. He hasnt had many sexual partners before me. But i am just taking my time to explore each other and make him relax into the relationship. I used to be too ashamed to show pleasure during sex, so i know how he is feeling. Just dont make an issue out of it and he will either tell you why he doesnt or he will surprise you :) good luck and keep us updated
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): You Wish has some good advice. My guess is he either has an aversion to ejaculating for some reason, or he can't cum, and is doing the whole head-squeezing thing to make it look like he is close so you won't think he is incapable of cumming.
If the former, he has some phsychological basis for his feelings that he might want to discuss with a sex therapist. If the latter, he is having some anxiety or he is desensitized from masturbation and can't reach orgasm. He may also just not be too experienced or comfortable with women enough to orgasm. THat IS normal, but it would be good for him to get to the root cause of the problem, because he will percieve it as a problem. I had a lot of difficulty reaching orgasm early in my sexual life, and occasionally with new partners and in a new relationship. THe reason is that what is sexually stimulating differs from woman to woman, and some guys don't "adjust' as well as others. For example, doggy style may be awkward or uncomfortable with one woman, but was your favorite position before...so a guy thinks he should like it more than he does, but doesn't, and can't get off. In other words, he may just not be totally in tune with what pleasures him, or he may be enacting what he sees in porn or what he thinks will get YOU off more.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): It could be that a previous girlfriend made him think that girls don't like semen. I accidentally turned a guy off to ejaculating in me with some careless words. It took a year for me to figure it out :( Eventually we laughed about it and he was able to cum in me again...but I was stunned when I figured it out.
I'm not saying this is your boyfriend's issue, I'm just saying, sex is a complicated thing. Encourage him to ejaculate in you with some well timed words :)
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A
female
reader, Over..worried.  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 That's what my boyfriend does when we don't have condom's. But I am on the pill and he just thinks it is just that extra way to break down any chances. But .... I do think it's weird that he doesn't ejaculate at all ... cause my boyfriend still does just somewhere else ........ Maybe you should ask him ?
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 Hmmm....this one might be complicated. If it weren't for the episode where he grasped his penis and claimed that it "might get messy", I'd chalk it up to the fact that he's used to orgasm through masturbation to the point where normal sex doesn't stimulate him enough. I had a friend who had a boyfriend who would start intercourse, then *had* to masturbate himself with lotion to finish.
But the episode where he stopped his orgasm with you and ran into the bathroom makes me think that it's a psychological aversion to ejaculating. He could consider it messy, shameful, unhygenic. or an embarrassing bodily function.
There will be a time in the future when you two can have a talk about what's holding him back. However, DON'T talk to him about it yet! Two months into a relationship is still a new relationship, and having a talk with a guy about a possible sexual dysfunction could be too serious too soon.
Also, he might be dropping his defenses with you anyways, especially if he had an episode where he almost came. If it happens again, tell him "Sex is messy! Go for it!" and help drop his anxiety level the more familiar you get with each other.
Be patient. You'll know when the time comes to talk with him if he doesn't relax enough to finish with you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (10 October 2010):
 hi well yes it deffo sounds like he is using the pull out method, its obvious he thinks you dont want him to come inside you when he is doing this maybe he doesnt realise that you are on the pill so maybe you can remind him again and tell him he can come inside you, just remember the pill isnt 100% i know plenty of people that has got pregnant while on the pill so maybe this is holding him back as well so just talk to him and see why he is not ejaculating. If he is to scared in case you get pregnant then suggest that he uses a condom to put his mind at ease.
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