A
male
age
51-59,
*zsong
writes:OK, Im starting to get the picture, My gf is seeing that im insecure, boyish emotionally and not allowing my normal, assertive nature to show in my relationship... How do I change the way I see myself in relationships. I need to show the strength and assertiveness, that I have within me. It is there, it shows everyday in my professional life.. My greatest fear is to lose my lover due to way I treat her, I dont want to treat her bad.. What do woman really wnat in a man?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): This is so cliche but honestly you have to be yourself in the relationship. Sometimes people interpret that as exercising all their bad habits so that the other person will see and believe that this behaviour should be accepted. However this is not true, just as you bring your best self to work so too must you at home and with your loved one. That assertiveness you exibit at work needs to be brought at home because your ability to take the reigns is evident. This must be balanced off with your obvious ability to allow others to make decisions.
Just as you consider your girlfriends needs it would be great sometimes if you would allow her the opportunity to do the same. The best relationships aren't the ones where one person just submits to the ohter but one where there is an exchange. This doesn't have to be exact but it mst be reciprocative enough so as to make sure no one is grateful but both persons are thankful for having one another.
A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Wow...you sound like a wonderful man, a keeper! But, I have to agree with what Pepper said, maybe you two don't fit together and here is why. If she really loves you, she wouldn't keep breaking it off...and then on...what does tell you? No wonder you are the way you are. I know you love her, I do really, but she just might not be the one for you and I realize you are "pushing" it to make it work. STOP! Back off for awhile...turn the table around. YOU CAN DO IT! I used to be very weak...always the one to call, etc....but you know, what I have realized is this....life is to short to be with someone if they truly do not want to be with you. SHE has made you to become so insecure. I bet if she did not do these things, why would you be so upset and worried so much. I too, am a "professional" at work, a manager/VP. I am strong in my job, my personality, etc...and it took time, but I am now, strong in how I see myself outside my job because I no longer let someone I "admire" get the best of me.
She shouldn't "give" you things to stress about...look at it like this, my ex was an alcoholic, then I repeated myself to another..."except" my excuse was this one wasn't violent. Finally, I dug deep where I didn't want to go about ME, and realized, I can't let this happen again...I deserve so much better...and I know I do.
I understand about the getting disappointed if a date didn't go through, but look at it like this...will there not be others? IF she keeps breaking them, I think seriously, I would move on. I know that is not what you want to hear, but, I'm really starting to think maybe both of you are not meant for each other, and there is another wonderful woman out there who would love to be "smoothered" by you.
Feel free to write me anytime....good luck to you.
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A
male
reader, Ozsong +, writes (10 October 2007):
Ozsong is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Cateyes, I treat her like a princess, I do what ever I can at anytime. My problem is that I feel like I do too much and that she is feeling smothered. I love her dearly, we have been together for 18 months, we live apart. In that time, whenever we have an argument she "breaks it off" or in her words "Its over this time", this has happened almost weekly throughout the relationship. Then a few days later, after a lot of emotional devistation on my part, we are together again. She admits that she is volatile and that I shouldnt stress when we "break up", I should know that its not over and that she loves me with all of her being. But I still go through the whole being devistated, trying rescue missions, like calling her and working through whatever caused it. It can be a small thing that causes us to break up, like me getting a little dissapointed when she cancles a date, my problem is that when this happens I go into super stress mode.I am successful in my work, I am successful in most areas of my life, but when it comes to my emotions, I am a whimp to be truthful. My insecurities are all about losing her, this causes me to be clingy, and anxious. I cant keep riding this emotional roller coaster, and I cant leave her, she is everything to me, and I know what I need to do, But I dont know how to do it. I want her to be happy, she tells me she wants me to be the man she see's in the office, no insecurities, no issues and no neediness. She loves me dearly. So in a nut shell, what is that she wants, a man that is in control or a lover that forgets hes a man and does anything to make it work.
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A
female
reader, XxAngelDust89xX +, writes (10 October 2007):
 MOST Women want honesty, love, loyalty respect, the list goes on and on. They want a nice caring loving man But they also want a man who has CONFIDENCE. Just like men want a woman that makes other men jealous, so do women, the more confident and self assured you are the SEXIER you are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): What do women want in a man? Honesty, respect and fidelity would be number one things on the list for most women. To be honest, I don’t think there is a magic list that works with every single woman. They are all so different. The best way to explore the subject is to ask good female friends/family members and even ask your gf what she thinks most women look for in a man. You might a surprisingly diverse array of answers, much like the personalities and wonderful differences in the women you ask. You sound quite vulnerable, dear--so uncertain. I think you and your gf should talk more about where this relationship is going. Did she tell you that you are insecure? Or is this your own self-evaluation or what you percieve that she may think. I guess I am trying to say, being open is putting your issues on the table, with her and admitting they scare or frustrate you. This is what we do with people we deeply care about and want to bond to. I am sorry that you don't feel like you can work this out, openly with her. After all, you are looking for is her input, her empathy and her understanding. If you feel you possess a personality type that doesn't mesh well with a healthy love relationship, why not explore this issue with some relationship counseling.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (10 October 2007):
Honesty, trustworthiness, respect and of course, love. However, we do love a man with a sense of humor as well. Every woman is different, we are not all alike. Some women prefer a man who loves to show his affections while out on a date, some rather not. (meaning hold hands, the occasional kiss) Why does your girlfriend feel that you are insecure? Do you feel that she may leave you? or doesn't express her love to you enough? Some of us feel as if we have to hear the words "I love you" every day, some do not need to hear it...they just know or feel it. However, there's something that you could ask your loved one to do for you to help you so you could better understand what her "make-up" was all about. Have her put these words in order to how she feels what is most important in her life with you. (these are in no order) 1. Touch (meaning the act of being touched by you) 2. Quality Time (with each other to talk or go out) 3.Gifts ( presents for her) 4. Acts of Service (doing something/anything for her that she may need help with) 5. Words of Affirmation (praises to her for something like a job well done or I love you or your beautiful) This works both ways and maybe she will better understand you as well.
I don't know how long you two have been together, but nothing happens overnight. To work at a relationship it takes time and where both are willing to work towards it and each other, not against it or each other. Communication is the biggest key in my opinion...as well as great listening skills. When we talk to each other, we really listen to what the other is saying.
I guess I am a bit confused...how do you treat her? I would hope great. But maybe this will give me some idea why you feel and say what you do.
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (10 October 2007):
Always be fair but always hold to what you say. Think before you speak.
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