A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:So, I'm not very good at dating. I'm very shy around women.On the flip side, women that I'm not interested in are very persist about getting me attention and asking me out on date. I admire one woman in particular who's been at it for 2.5 years now despite having a bf for the larger part of that time. It's always "let's go for coffee", "we should do dinner", "call me" etc... and I politely decline or suggest we do so with a group of dinner. I can't help but admire how tenacious she is and I wish I had her tenacity with the women I'm interested in.As another example, another friend has periodically prodded the "door" every time I'm single to see if there's a possibility of us closer relationship.Question 1: I've clear in my disinterest with the former and blunt with the later. Everything seems harmless to me and I don't think there's a reason to change anything. Should I, for some reason, make things even more clear that I'm not interested?Question 2: How do women respond to tenacious and persistent men whom they are not interested in? I'm really bad at getting dates with the women I like.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): Question 1: It is good to be honest. It is good for everyone involved long term. If you don't think you have been clear enough, or if she is making you uncomfortable you need to say something. A simple "____, you know we are just friends right? I admire you and appreciate you as a friend, but you know that's where it ends, right?" That should do the trick.
Question 2: The most important thing to remember is respect. I have been victim to some very tenacious men. In most of these cases I felt I had to avoid any places I might run into them or see them. They made me uncomfortable because they didn't take subtle hints or direct comments about my disinterest in them. In some cases I felt like the men in question really wanted to make a bitch out of me. They simply would not stop until I became rude or angry.
SO...be respectful. Keep eye contact and listen to what she is saying. Respond to what she says as if you were listening. Ask her out to a place you know you will be comfortable in, like a restaurant that you frequent.
If you are turned down, example you ask her out and she says no without reason, ask why. Try to express genuine interest without making her feel like you fantasize about her day and night. Be informal.
Ask a girl out once and if you get rejected try again, but never strike out 3 times. If a girl says no to you twice she means it. Three times or more she might feel like you are obsessed.
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