A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Scrolling through my general forum I see many interesting topics but every few posts there’s young women’s pictures posted in bikinis or even just in normal clothes with comments on their attractiveness ( or not ) I don’t see any such images of men . All the images of men are about what they are doing or something in the picture like the environment I get on Facebook same thing . I turn on my tv same thing . Advertisements filled with women’s bodies and faces used to sell. Magazines the same It seems everywhere I look women’s appearances are being scrutiny’s and judged as worthy of men’s attention or not .It seems rare to hear women spoken about without reference to their appeal to men . Even crime shows where women are killed seem to speak about whether the female victim was attractive but never mention the same in men . Yet society seems to never mention this huge imbalance and unfairness in how women are valued mainly in youth and appearance . Is this changing at all and how do women maintain self esteem in the face of this especially as they age and are being told from all angles that their worth is diminishing even by husbands who leave for younger women
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2020): There is a time in life where most women stop and reflect on their life.
Usually somewhere around menopause.
Many women do feel the silently, uncomfortable whisper of 'over the hill' but it doesn't take long to realise that age is a part of natural progression of life.
What doesn't sit well is the idea that age prevents a relationship.
Quite the opposite in fact.
All men of a similar age also show signs of natural age progression.
Your life may be fulfilled due to your age or it may be just different.
I would hazard a guess to say that most women are not unduly stressed by the thought that a younger bird could steal their man away.
A relationship should strengthen each day.
It tends to be connected to the life you lead and the challenges you face.
Not all men are motivated by the sight of butts and tits.
It is freely available but frequently they invest in their relationship rather than the random appeal of youthfulness.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (24 July 2020):
 How to maintain self-worth as you age?
By not buying into all the tropes and marketing gimmicks. And by not accepting that your LOOKS are your only value in life. It's not. While we human being like youth, symmetry, certain proportions etc. I think most of us also know that HOW you look has VERY little to do with the kind of person you are.
Age with grace and confidence. Know that you are valuable to those who get to know you, those who know you and those you are yet to meet. And it's based on your merits, your kindness, your intelligence, your personality, your decency, your sense of humor, your faith, your soul, and all the other good traits you have.
CHOSE to not believe the hype. Believe in you.
I don't know who is telling "women in general" that their worth is diminishing. I have never been told that in my 51 years. EVER. And if someone told me that, I would 1. laugh and 2. not the person who said that because it says a LOT more about THEM than it does me.
I know my value. I would venture a statement that it's by far higher than when I was 20-something. It doesn't make be BETTER than a 20-something, because there is no competition. I'm me, the random 20-something is her. To those around me and IN my life.
Anyone telling YOU that you are no longer "good enough" is not seeing your value, because they don't know their own. Again, that isn't a reflection of YOU.
A man who divorces his wife for a younger wife, is also SETTING the 1st wife free to find a BETTER mate and be loved BETTER, be he younger, equal in years or older.
Nature more than "society" dictate that a younger female can be more "desirable" (in lack of a better word) because she is FERTILE and capable of producing more offspring. But an older female has the life experience and knowledge to lead, to enjoy life, to pursue HER OWN interest as her offspring is already grown. Who leads the flock of elephants? The OLDEST female. Why? Because she has more life experience and knowledge.
Look for the good things in life instead of the negative. Don't drink the Kool-aid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): Nobodies saying that this doesn’t happen to men on a MUCH lesser scale . I realise gay culture this is huge I have a brother who’s gay but this again is MEN acting so focussed on the superficial . There is a massive I’m Alan e and women are up against much more , especially as someone pointed out if they were also of mixed heritage
Just because we develop our own self esteem this does not make it right that girls and women are deal with so much of this now we see eating disorder for women are so high and even suicide in middle age women is becoming one of the biggest growing groups as they are made to feel redundant
People are quick to say it should f matter because self esteem comes from within but I suspect t men would sure think it mattered if women behaved so obsessed with men’s looks . I mean look at the porn industry and which gender is displayed . Which is object which is subject ? Which gender PREDOMINATELY consumes it . Look at workplace discrimination and how women are sexually harassed based on appearance , called hot , touched and have suggestive comments or equally dismissed called dogs and not considered worth listening too because they are not attractive in men’s eyes
Men simply don’t deal with this on even close to the same scale
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): Unless it's activity or male-behavior that is addressed on the whole as offensive, and deserves a law to end it; most of what you've described is part of everyday-culture played-out on social media, by the cosmetics & beauty industry, on movies, in fashion, art, advertising, and TV. It's the norm to be focused on the female-form. It's one of nature's finest creations! It's wonderfully-complex and interesting. It's a scientific-marvel and a biological-wonder! It can produce other people!
There aren't always negative-implications behind it. If you take offense now, it may be because you've matured beyond the age when you liked showing-off. Everybody has a little vanity in us! We want positive-reinforcement about our appearance, and to be desirable. We become more dignified, and outgrow such shallow and superfluous flaunting of our bodies. I beg to differ with you entirely about men not showing off their bodies, and there being no demand for it! I don't know where you've been looking; but shirtless muscular-images of men are just as prevalent in advertising, fashion, and magazines as women. If not more!
Go checkout a gay dating-site or Tinder. All you see are abs, biceps, glutes, tattoos, and close-ups of male-groins! Fitness-advertisements body-shame men everyday!
You see nothing but handsome men on every TV show, hot athletes get commercials to endorse products or sports-gear; and only the best-looking men get star roles in the movie and television industry, with some exceptions. For older or plain-looking guys, they get mostly roles in comedy; or characterized in roles as losers and unsavory-characters. You think men don't take offense to that?
For us men, aging means loss of virility, vitality, declining testosterone, flab replacing muscle-tissue, and baldness. Some need Viagra or Cialis to maintain a reasonable sex-life; even before they hit their 50's! For all that obnoxious gawking at women, many write a lot of checks that they can't cash! Not to mention, healthy young supple-females aren't out there hooking-up with all those lecherous old-geezers and aging-hipsters; who are still refusing to accept the fact they've passed their prime! They resort to spending a lot of money, cheating on their wives, and hiring sex-workers. Trying to prove they've still got it! Young-guys shaking their heads and laughing at their foolishness! I'm not sure why women continue to insist on complaining about men gawking at pretty-girls, or admiring feminine-beauty; like doing so gives men total-access to whatever woman pleases their eyes, no matter what they look like themselves!!! Then you are also suggesting women are totally indiscriminate; and will settle for anything that walks and breathes, as long as he's male! Women don't care what a man looks like, or how much he earns? They don't care how he grooms himself, and will go-out with any beast who asks her out, because she doesn't want him to think she's "superficial?" Come on!!!
Your self-esteem and self-image was never placed in the hands of anybody-else. You learn to make your own distinctions between one thing or another. You can't choose your race or gender! You are given the same choices and opportunities as anyone else; provided you have the drive and ambition to pursue whomever or whatever you want. Life comes with obstacles and exceptions. Like it or not!
Reality says...you don't always get what you want; and not everybody will want you or me!
In your lifetime, you've rejected people who did want you; but they weren't your cup of tea! Did you not have the right?
Nobody has direct-influence over how you feel about yourself; unless you allow them to have it. Culture is what it is, and we have to pursue our rights and happiness in spite of it. I've faced discrimination for being gay and racially-mixed. I advocate for equality and fairness; but human-nature is beyond my control. I've turned to God! He has given me hope, strength, and victory over those things that would have otherwise destroyed me, or might have been denied me for all the wrong reasons. Humanity is imperfect, full of flaws, and often cruel. That includes both men and women! We will always have to fight for fairness and equality. Sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose! That doesn't mean we give-up; and become cynical or bitter!
I adamantly do agree, that society has gone way too far in objectifying women; but it is a fact that women also like checking-out the healthy young male-form. Given the opportunity, they are guilty of objectifying men just as much. Male-actors draw more income, and get more roles; because there is a larger female-viewership. Men don't watch reality-TV, soap operas, drama shows, or talk-shows quite as much. We don't spend as much money on fashion, makeup, hair products; so marketing-execs know who to direct their focus on. Not all women are straight. Lesbians enjoy checking-out other women. They like looking good, being attractive, and showing-off to get attention too! In that case, it's not for men so much! Now is it?
Most people in the prime of their lives are active, athletic, and joyful. They predominate social media and they love showing-off what mother-nature and genetics has prized them with. It's popular-culture; and now that you're past that stage in life; don't look-back with bitterness. They're young, and you're in a culture of consumerism, voyeurism, fetishism, and every other ism you can think of!
You have to grow and maintain your own self-esteem. It's home-grown and self-maintained. When you get angry at the world for being what it is; you'll get caught in a rut, and it will depress you. Growing older and maturing will takeaway our youthful-attributes over-time, and all the beautiful-images you see will eventually mature just as we have. Once you pass your 40's; it's undignified to flaunt your bare body-parts to all the world. You can stay toned and healthy all your life; but nobody will look at you or me like they might have in our 20s and 30s. We must mature with grace, and not with bitterness. Faulting the world, because we feel letdown; due to all the faults and unfairness in human-nature.
Narcissism, conceit, and vanity runs rampant in modern-society; and blaming men for that is unfair and untrue. Nobody is going to be young and fit forever! Not everyone is shallow or superficial. Jealousy and envy of the young and beautiful is an individualized emotional-disease; and we all have to come to terms with age. Like it or not, the clock does not tick backwards; and time doesn't stand still. Men don't always get what we want, that doesn't stop us from admiring it and fantasizing about it. Pretending that's not an attribute in women might make good for your argument, but it's far from accurate.
You have to deal with and embrace being mature. Appreciate your finer-attributes, and project your inner-beauty. Which glows, and never changes; when you have a kind and wonderful soul. Those who depend on their outer-appearance as their only way to gain opportunity and love are usually disappointed. Reality has an entirely different take on it.
The reality is, everyone's body will change at some point in life, even while you're young. Your self-esteem and self-worth is not predicated or reliant on the validation, scrutiny, and lusts of other people. Lest you place it there. You get to pick and chose whom you wish to make friends or love-connections with. It's a matter of chance, choice, and timing. It requires patience, a positive-outlook, discernment, and a mustard-seed of faith. Taking a bitter attitude towards the opposite-sex; because of your own distastes and disappointment does YOU all the harm. The world is full of sin, flaws, wickedness, and failure; but by the same token, there are wonderful, loving, kind, and generous-people who can see and appreciate more than what's on the surface. I can become bitter and feel the world has done me wrong and counted me out; because I am of mixed heritage...Greek/Moroccan (dad) and Indigenous Native American (mom)...or I can be proud of who I am, and love how God made me; in spite of the world, and how it sees me.
Psalm 139:14
"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well."
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2020): OP, I understand your concerns, as a man of Faith! I see the world exactly, as you! You ask if it is changing? YES and continuing to get worse and worse! The greater problem is lack of respect and the art of deception, in a godless society! Sex sells, so it is incorporated into as much advertising as possible, with much inuendo in TV and movies, with a sensationalizing news media which adds as many sexual adjectives as possible, to the poor victims of horrible crimes like rape, murder, and abduction, ie young wife, pretty blond coed, athletic 16yr old! As for how to maintain self esteem, as you age, we are no longer foolish youth, but rather we have gained wisdom by GODS GRACE, about what the world values, and what GOD Expects of us! Your true beauty is, your quality of character, the values to which you hold, the amount of Love, mercy, compassion, hospitality, and generosity which you project, to others, in a meaningful way! Your beauty radiates from within, as you shine light, into a dark world!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (22 July 2020):
 Well the Matriarchy created the status war you speak of. Perhaps you now have some influence with them to change it. I'd help you but I'm too short.
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