A
male
age
36-40,
*ay2012
writes:I need abit of help and advice on what are the best methods to do in 'fixing trust'. Basically our trust issues comes down to facebook, and i messed up chatting up a girl (ALTHO please understand, i did this purely for boredem and would never EVER cross the line and ask for numbers/or meet up. Its just to pass time and the other person means absolitly NOTHING and i am not 'looking' for another spouse etc) Altho my gf does not seem to believe me ! This was one off but yeah it has effected her trust, and in return she gave me some pay back and slept at a guys house (not sex) just slept at her friends house who she knows i get very jealous over. Anyway we did the whole ' eye for an eye ' thing, u hurt me i hurt u, tell me is this best way to resolve? obviously not. So here i am asking some experts on how we can fix this situation, has anyone ever been through this? She requested me delete the girl i was talking to and stop talking to her and i have DONE THAT, i LET HER TALK TO HER GUY FREIND, that seems only FARE? only because i was in the wrong at first, so should i leave it ? its hard to leave it now because i will never know if she is going behind my back to see him or talk to him, I TRUST HER but i just dont TRUST other people AROUND my GF. They have flirted before and have been talking ongoing for several months, this is not a OLD freind, this guy just popped up recently. So obviously my concerns are BIG. any help on how to resolve this issue would be great
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (22 September 2012):
 First, stop with the 'if she realy loved me' talk. She can say the same thing about some of your recent actions. You'll just keep going around in circles.
Second, I wuld focus on your own behaviour first, regardless of what she does. If your chages are based solely on her cooperation then they aren't real and won't last.
Third, you can tell her that you've both done things you shouldn't have. You'll be rethinking things in the future. And her relationship with that man is not something you're prepared to live with. She is a grown woman who can decide what she wants, but her choices will influence yours. Then leave it at that.
I've got to go out and I'm in a bit of a hurry. If I think of something better I'll post again in a couple of days.
A
male
reader, Jay2012 +, writes (21 September 2012):
Jay2012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell how do we fix the issue of the new guy, do i just leave it and trust in her? HE is obvously messing things up, i know he is 'trying to steal her' from me, but if she really did love me, should would have not slept at his house,correct? by the way WE LIVE TOGETHER !! makes it even WORSE !
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (21 September 2012):
When I got done reading this I could not believe your ages. I thought you two were 16 or 17. The posted age is correct?
The reason you're having trust issues is because you both seem to lack any impulse control. You do things without any thought to possible consequences. The two of you.
It IS your girlfriend you don't trust. You may not trust others either, but someone who sleeps at another man's house and maintains contact with him just to get back at her boyfriend isn't exactly exercising sound judgement. What is there to trust?
'An eye for an eye' does not mean you SHOULD punish someone. It means that the punishment should not exceed the crime. No MORE than an eye for an eye.
The next time you get the urge to do or say something, don't. Stop and think about possible outcomes first.
You cannot order your girlfriend to cease contact with her guy friend, but you can establish limits for yourself. You served your penance and now you're ready to move forward. If she isn't ready to move forward as well, then it may be best to leave her behind.
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