A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Warning: VERY LONG on LDRIn October, last year, I met this wonderful guy (25/M) on OkCupid of all places. He is literally a diamond. We’ve texted each other every daWy since we exchanged numbers. We met in person in February this year and by our first meet itself I was so smitten with him; I know he was too. Stronger the feeling grew as we said goodbye and he hugged me and soon after I became like a 12-year-old girl meeting her celebrity crush.A few weeks after our first meet, he confessed to have wanting to kiss me while we said goodbye. I can’t deny that I would have actually liked that. In that same conversation, he also said he really really liked me and could see me as a person he wanted to spend his life with. We saw each other again next on 2nd March. The date went smooth! We spoke about random things, joked around, and basically had a wonderful evening. It felt like I’d known this guy for years! He dropped me home and we kissed. We couldn’t stop kissing each other, almost like magnets drawn towards each other. It was magical.Oh, I should mention, we are both workaholics, he is a little more than I am. Thus, in the period from October to March, we only met twice. Our week-offs don’t clash. He gets a day off during the weekdays and I have the weekends. Our workplaces are at two ends of the city as well. I know he tries to complete as many chores as he can on the one day he is free and even then, he is bombarded by work calls! I know this as both the times we met before, were his weekly-offs. And even during our date, he has had to answer some work calls and was extremely apologetic about this. We don’t meet as often as any other couple in a new relationship and while I know that is important, I believe that we will have many more opportunities to be with each other. We have still continued texting each other till this day, but now it’s not all day like we used to while we were just flirting. I know he doesn’t even check his phone while at work. He texts me a few messages in the morning and then later in the evening when he’s home, we have a few decent conversations, sometimes about our feelings and other times just about our days. It’s like we have fallen into some kind of unspoken routine which we both like and are comfortable with. On 18th March, during our texts, he said he loves me and said he was so happy after such a long time. His last relationship, which lasted 8 years, was over 2 years ago when his ex-girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend. He hasn’t been romantically or physically involved with anyone since then. I can only imagine how hard it was for him to confess his feelings to me. He said he felt really lucky to have found and met me and would never let me go. He made that moment perfect in so many ways, even though only through text message. He said he wanted to tell me on the trip we were supposed to take (more on this in the next paragraph) with his closest office colleagues, but he knew we both shared the same feelings for each other and that he couldn’t hold it in anymore!He had asked me to go on a trip with him and his colleagues sometime in February and I accepted. We took this trip during the first week of April. Three days of absolute bliss, away from the city and his friends didn’t let me once feel that I was new to their group. The two of us shared a few good moments alone. We couldn’t stop kissing each other again! He made me feel special by doing little things for me and always checking on if I was having a good time or not. His friends have also asked me to join them for their future parties and trips, one dinner gathering coming up this weekend. He isn’t sure about going for this one but wants me to join his friends either way. My feelings for him have only grown since we began talking and I've found myself falling in love with him faster and more each day!He treats me better than anyone I've ever been with (he is the first person I've been with sexually and on dates with since my breakup last August). When he takes me on dates he insists on paying He still makes time to talk to me after extremely hectic days at work when I know he just wants to go to sleep. He keeps telling me I'm beautiful at random moments. Every time we are together, he gives me the best smiles when he looks at me and he doesn’t usually smile!!! I can't get enough of his smile, his laugh, his way of speaking, his arms around me. Every time we’ve kissed there's this rush I can't explain. I'm nervous and weak in the knees when he's around. He’s told me he wants to satisfy me, emotionally and sexually. On this trip, I could spend hours just sitting next to him without saying a word and was at ease. He shows me value in myself and tells me how much I'm worth. He inspires me to be better person with each passing day. I’m a person with very low self-confidence, but he keeps boosting me up! We have the same interests and he's teaching me about his other likes that we don’t share e.g. his love for automobiles. We both are very shy, but when we are together with friends or alone, that shyness takes a back seat for us both. He brings out the best in me. He takes interest in my family and wants to know more about them. He makes me feel like I've never truly felt before. I am so comfortable around him and have showed him all of who I am. He still hasn't run away like all the others have and has promised to never run away. Not to compare but none of my exes have ever left me with this feeling of happiness and completeness let alone treated me the way he has. On this trip, all his colleagues were aware of his feelings for me and continuously teased him about it, but he never let it affect him once and just went along with it. After all of this, I think he is scared to commit. He has told me time and again that it’s a bad idea to involve the families early on. I agree to some extent, but tell my family is important to me. I know where he is coming from. It's because he's been hurt before. (He said his ex started dating his best friend when he put his career first.) Maybe I've caught him off guard as he has me. I know he’s not acting distant and disinterested when he doesn’t text me, I know he’s just busy. He keeps telling me that he loves me loads and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. At the same time, he questions if I am willing to spend my life with a busy person like him. I have reassured him that I am willing to because I am just like him! He’s very shy when it comes to talking about feelings and on the trip he only said he loves me when I said it first, on the last day of the trip!At some points, I feel like we’ve both set into this routine where it’s okay not to talk over the phone like other new couples or meet as often and it’s okay to not always talk about feelings and just have normal conversations about other things. So my question to you is, how do we or I take this relationship further? I'm not how long we can keep going down this "unofficial dating path" that we’re on. Everyone tells me to "have fun" and "take it one day at a time" but having fun is just making me feel sad, a happy sad of course, as to me he's perfect and irreplaceable. I don’t want to lose him. I’m scared at the rate things are going, he might start to lose interest and drift away from me. I sometimes feel like I constantly want to learn more about him and be around him. I want to speak to him over the phone, rather than just text him all the time. I’m not even sure if he’d be comfortable with this. I’m not sure if he’s okay with the way we are right now or what he wants. I just don't know what to do and would very much like advice. I know this relationship is super new but I'm fucking terrified. I'm more scared than I've ever been before because I don’t want to lose him! He says he feels the same way about me and I don’t know why I am scared that he might want to look for other options if he gets bored with me. Has this happened to you or someone you know? What have you done? What is typical in this situation? What happens if he starts to lose interest? Should I distance myself from him and give him the space he is used to so that my heart won't continue to hurt?I've never been in a situation like this and any/all advice is greatly appreciated.If this continues and I don’t know what to do. let me finish by saying that I am SO happy. The happiest I've ever felt in my life. I feel like a whole new person all thanks to him. He knows this!TLDR Met an amazing guy who is just like me in so many ways, we both have strong feelings for each other so much so that he is certain he would like to spend the rest of his life with me. I can definitely see a future with him! However, due to our existing hectic schedules, I think our relationship might be getting a little dull / routine-like. I am scared he will lose interest if this continues and I don’t know what to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 Am really not sure what to say to your post. You have posted this before but not in so much detail. It sounds to me like you are not going to get any more than what he is offering at the moment. Yes he is telling you all the correct words and making you feel special. But you had only met this guy twice and already you have been sexual and then agreed to a weekend away. He texts rather than calls which to me says he might very well be seeing someone else. Honestly this doesn't sound like a relationship to me and you should go in with your eyes wide open. Follow your head not your heart. It is strange to me that a guy would tell you he loves you after only meeting you twice. Big red alert there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2017): Ok, let me get this straight? Even though you both live on the opposite sides of the same city (if I got that one correct), you've only seen each other twice within the last six months, and he isn't able to see you on weekends or is moving mountains to see you more often... so. I have to ask this: is he married?Sorry to be so harsh, but you haven't spent enough time actually together to really get to know him, and as it now stand it's nothing more than a casual relationship at this point. I'm not sure with his busy schedule whether this relationship will advance to anything more unless the two of you are willing to spend more time with each other. And texting can not replace physical contact as a way to get to know one anothern. Further more, no one can seriously love someone after two dates. It's just meaningless words at this point.You must have heard the saying that if it's too good to be true, it probably is. So I'd suggest bringing this to a head sooner, rather than wasting more time and a serious hurt. Maybe see how he reacts to seeing each other more often, like once a week (preferably a Friday or Saterday evening). Until you see each other on a regular basis, this is nothing more than a fantasy.
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