A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I'm a 40 year old female and have been with my partner for 11years and am 10 years older and have a 5 year old. He tells me that he loves me but wants to be on his own at the same time. We are mostly happy but are in a rut how do i spice things up without going over the top. Need help very desperate. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes we do live together and have done for the last 11years, and no its not in a upstairs down stairs arrangement its together as a family, their was a German girl who became friends with me but said my partner was no more than a brotherly friend to her. all fell to grief when it was found out she was lying to me and doing inappropriate things with him nothing series but had she stayed it would have been different. and i think that's were all the new feelings and emotions are coming from
A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (6 March 2009):
 Do you not live together then? Have you ever lived together? Can you afford to live in a two-floor house? Maybe one of you lives upstairs, and you and your child downstairs? Or vice versa. He gets what he wants yet still accessible to you and your child. Not ideal perhaps, for a committed long term partnership like you and your b/f have had in the past 11 years. Unless, of course, he wants to be on his own because there is another person in his life?
Do you think this feeling of a rut is because you have been together that long therefore no more "surprises"? Or because of other reasons?
If it is indeed just because everything now appears to be just a routine and "business as usual", how about spicing it up by a "role play" as by dressing up differently (sexy outfit, or even wearing a wig), and you and him met up somewhere for a "secret date"?. Flirtatious messages, or texts with sexual innuendos, or "affairs in a motel" (you and him of course), or try new positions (google Kama Sutra Positions and you will be fascinated!). Learn to cook exotic foods that are pleasing to the eyes as well to the taste buds (but easy to make) Etc etc. etc.
Cant think of anything else right now. But even those acts may not rekindle new interests in him/you if there are underlying issues much more of significance than merely getting into "rut". If there indeed much deeper core issues, obviously you both need to talk about it first. Or perhaps talk about it while you are flirting with each other?
Cat
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