A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:right, so my boyfriend has told me that he isn't sure if he loves me anymore. he says that i am the perfect boyfriend, and i have done nothing wrong, and that i do everything right. but still he says that there is a problem, but he says he doesn't know what it is.what the hell is that about ? he must know what the problem is, to know that there is a problem. and if i'm doing everything right, then why is there a problem ?i'm so confused ! he tells me that when we are together, and not fighting, it feels right, but then as soon as i ask him how he's feeling about us, he starts having a rant about how he's not sure if he loves me, and he doesn't know if we have a future.please can someone tell me what the hell is going on, cos i've run out of ideas :(how do we fix something that apparently isn't broken ?thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): "I'll try not to love anyone, or anything, then i can't get hurt."
LOL, if you can manage this, then come back and tell us how it's done. Never to love anyone again, never to get close to anyone. Sounds very lonely to me. You gonna make this guy win. He's stolen your self esteem, he's destroyed your trust. Why should you be lonely, he's going out and finding other people. Don't be scared, not all guys are like him. Be carefull you don't turn away Prince Charming because your afraid to be hurt again. You made a mistake with this guy, but you've learnt lots. The next guy will be better and you will be stronger.
Don't give up on love..... It can be lovely when your with the right person.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Awww don't say you'll try not to love anyone again!!
I think I'm in this situation at the moment but I'm not ready to let go! I know I should but I just cant!! - I'm just being stupid really!!
Good luck in finding a nice man who loves you!!
xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): Poor fellow! You deserve so much better!
You'll need time to heal, but please don't lose faith-- true love is out there for you, somewhere, someday. When you find the special man for you, you'll be so glad that your ex who hurt you is gone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your replies :) its over now anyway, so he got what he wanted, he gets to screw around, and i'll be alone for a while :)
i knew what i should do really, i just didn't want to admit that our relationship was dead, cos i had worked so hard.
its like making a cake, only to have it burn in the oven.
all that time, wasted, wasted on being hurt, and used, and messed around.
from now on, i'll try not to love anyone, or anything, then i can't get hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2008): I don't like this guy, he's messing with your head. One moment he loves you, the next he dosen't. He can treat you anyway he likes, because he knows you care.
You deserve better, dump this chump and give yourself time to rediscover the self respect that he has stolen from you. People in love don't act this way, he's using you and will leave as soon as the opportunity presents itself. You deserve better, let him go and find somebody who gives you the love you deserve.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): He probably told you he never loved you just to push you away. I'm sure that if he acted like he loved you for 18 months, he in fact did love you at some point.
Also, if he's telling you that everything is perfect, he's not telling the truth. There must be some need in him that you're not fulfilling, or something you're doing that he doesn't like, and he's embarrassed or afraid to hurt you by telling you. Or he may not have quite identified to himself what it is, and needs help figuring it out.
Sometimes the silliest things can screw up a seemingly perfect relationship. For a trivial example, I once got rid of a boyfriend I loved, because I was afraid to tell him he had bad breath and furthermore had a stupid expression while making love... whereas now I'm older and wiser, I'd simply have bought him some mouthwash and told him to make a different face. Or, the problem could be something more serious, such as his having met somebody that he thinks he likes better. In either case, you have a right to know what's wrong.
If you're serious about wanting to keep this relationship, do some hard thinking about what you want most from the relationship (do you want him to tell you he loves you once a day? do you want more cuddling? etc.) and what it could be that your bf wants. Set a time when neither of you are tired or upset to talk to him about what it is, and begin by setting ground rules so that noone is afraid to tell the truth... both of you must promise to try to keep things pleasant and undramatic, and to stop the conversation immediately if someone begins to be upset. He mustn't be afraid of hurting your feelings by telling you the truth.
In case he's still shutting down, come up with a list of things that you think could possibly be the problem: does he want more excitement? passion? conversation? fun? good looks? admiration? Or less of any of these things? Ask what's most important to him in a relationship, and whether you're fulfilling this need.
If he still won't communicate, you've done the best you can. Then it's up to you to decide whether you can live in this limbo or whether you'd like to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, so random development, tonight when i went to his house, we cuddled and everything seemed fine :) so i decided to ask him how he was feeling about us now and BANG the mood was gone, he suddenly moved away and folded his arms, and went all silent. then he tells me that he has decided that it isn't going to work, and that, in fact, he doesn't love me, and never has at any point in our 18 month relationship. then told me that he just wants to sleep around a bit and be with a few different guys ! wtf ? after 18 months ? he stayed with me, doing a very good act of caring for me, for 18 months ? and if he was so sure that it wasn't going to work, why was he acting so fine, until i mentioned our problems ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbut he says he wants to make it work, and that he can't imagine not having me, and he thinks about me all the time, and that i make him really happy. he says he doesn't know what love is, but thinks he loves me :( i feel the same way, but i think that this is what love is, i don't see the problem :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): You can't fix this, because you have done nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you, you are probably the most perfect boyfriend.
However, there is something wrong. Your boyfriends feelings for you have changed. He no longer loves you in the same way that he used to. He sounds like he has fallen out of love and wants to finish the relationship.
Be brave. You deserve much better than this. You deserve to be with somebody that loves you totally and is 100% committed to you. Your boyfriend has nothing to explain, he just dosen't love you anymore. Be brave and end this relationship which dose not give you the love and support you expect.
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