A
male
age
36-40,
*hippymunk
writes:This may have been asked a million times but I still haven't found the proper advice, even after searching the web. I'm thinking of asking someone out but I have absolutely no idea how to (without her thinking it's going out just as friends). I know some people would just tell me to "just do it" or "what have you got to lose?" but I can tell you now that it's not that easy for me. You keep telling yourself you'd do it but when you actually talk to her face to face, you're brain becomes a train wreck.I volunteer with this girl but our schedules changed so if I want to ask her out, i'd have to drive to the centre when she works. I did post before about her and that she may be interested in me, but she never replied to an email I sent her (hopefully she just forgot to check...). Anyways, if you were a kinda shy girl, how would you like a guy to ask you out? What should I say/do so I don't scare her off? And how in the world do I overcome this anxiety? Also, I'd probably have to have a reason to why I would show up to work when i'm not scheduled.thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): Heehe i was shy before i was asked out....dont make her nevouse. I got nevouse and didnt mean to say "no".
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 Chippymunk, I guess that the shy one here is yourself. The right question is not how she would like to be asked out, which would be anybody's guess, but, instead, how you would ask her out.
I don't like the fact that you e-mailed her and she didn't reply. We always think that maybe she hasn't checked the mail, or that she was busy and couldn't find the way to answer, et cetera, but quite often the person just doesn't want to reply. At the very least, you should be open to that possibility.
You need to find out soon because the clock is ticking and you're wasting your time. Find a dumb excuse to go to the center when she's there, and say something like "Hey, so sorry we're not together anymore. I enjoyed your company. Why don't we go out for (...whatever...), say, next Friday?" Of course this is just the sketch for it, and you will need to flourish it yourself. If she doesn't give you a clear yes, or, if she refuses to go out that day, but doesn't give you any specific date or alternative plan, just leave, because she's not interested.
It's not bad to face rejection. It means you tried. Once, a great footballer, Riquelme, failed to score a penalty. People said he had missed miserably. The coach said, "yes, but that was only because he took the chance." Do the same. Try to get the girl; if she doesn't want you, well, you tried. Eventually you will find someone who will go out with you.
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A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 There is no right of wrong way to ask her out. A simple text is usually good. Its unintrusive, direct and she has time to figure out an excuse if she wants to. It cant fail! :) As for the wording I think you can figure that part out for yourself.
As for the anxiety, this may sound strange but its something that really helps me. Just try and ignore any feelings you have towards them, its difficult to explain but if you think about it hard enough you can blank out your mind and stop worrying about it so much. Once you can stop caring what she thinks of you you're free to be yourself and will relax more. At least that's how it works for me!
Best of luck!
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